In Defense Of The Jeep

This post was inspired by the latest post from John Iwanski over at...wait for it...wait for it...johniwanski.com.

Now before I get to the meat of the post (no homo), I have to defend John's choice of a name for his blog (not that anyone is attacking it, I'm just sayin').

He's John Iwanski. He calls his blog johniwanski.com. Pretty straight forward. What more would you expect from a native Chicagoan?

Some of you may think it unimaginative. Some of you might be thinking he could have expended a bit more thought and creativity in naming his blog.

But I am reminded of a bit that Denis Leary did about corporate names. I couldn't find a youtube clip of it, but the gist of it was how company names don't actually mean anything anymore. Nextel. Sprint. Avaya. Even AT&T and KFC. AT&T used to be an abbreviation for American Telephone & Telegraph. KFC Used to be an abbreviation for Kentucky Fried Chicken. Not any more. AT&T is now just AT&T. Same with KFC. It's all about marketing and branding. Company names no longer tell you anything about the company and what it actually does. Apple. Verizon. You know who they are and what they do because of marketing and branding. But their names don't mean jack shit!

That was Leary's set up. The punchline was something like "My father worked for the Boston Paper Company for 50 years. They were in Boston. They made paper!"

So I find "johniwanski.com" a refreshingly clean and honest name for a blog. He's John Iwanski. This is his blog. 'Nuff said.

But I digress.

His post had to do with being involuntarily substituted an SUV for a car rental and finding that he actually enjoyed driving it.

He felt guilty that he enjoyed driving a gas-guzzling, planet-killing, SUV with a large, comfortable captain's chair that sat up high, with good visibility, had plenty of head and leg room, and made him feel safe.

Now, I drive a Jeep Wrangler.


A direct descendant of the Willys Jeep that America's Greatest Generation used to win WWII and stop the Nazis from exterminating the Jews.

So despite it's less than optimal gas mileage, I think my Jeep deserves a little respect.

Although the Jeep may have been the original SUV, it is no longer an SUV in today's terms.

Much like Barry Goldwater would no longer be considered a Republican in today's terms.

No, it's not a fucking Prius. But it's not a Hummer either.

My reasons for owning and driving a Jeep are:

DURABILITY: Jeeps were designed tough to fight WWII and the basic design is still tough. These vehicles are hard to break and they take high mileage in stride.

HIGH VISIBILITY: You sit up high in a Jeep. High enough to be able to see what that ignorant fucktard in front of you who is yapping on his goddamned cell phone SHOULD be seeing if he was fucking paying attention!

FOUR WHEEL DRIVE: No, I don't go "mudding" and I don't run obstacle courses in Utah. My Jeep is my only means of transportation. How stoopid would it be for me to bust an axle climbing mountains or drown my engine crossing creeks? But it is very reassuring to know that I can get myself out of situations that will leave other drivers stranded. This has actually happened many, many times.

CHEAP CONVERTIBLE: No, you can't lower the top at the push of a pussy-button; you actually have to get out of the vehicle and put some effort into it. That builds character and strengthens the grip. But it's totes worth it! Most economical path to skin cancer devised by man!


[SIDE STORY: When I was working for a major telecom and living in Ray County I had a one hour commute to KC each way, every day. During a major blizzard, I braved the weather, put the Jeep in 4WD, drove 35mph for two hours and made it to work. My co-worker, who had a Jeep Cherokee with 4WD, and who lived an hour away in the OPPOSITE direction somewhere out in fucking godforsaken Kansas, was conspicuous by his absence. So I IM'd him. "Dude! WTF? I made it in to work! Where are you?" Although he was half my age, I will never forget his sage words of wisdom. He said "Four wheel drive is for getting HOME from work...not getting TO work." That's deep, man. Profound.]

FUN: Jeeps are just fun. If you have never driven one, it's hard to describe. I drive a stick. I think Jeeps with automatic transmissions are for posers and pussys. But driving a Jeep with a stick is like a cross between driving a go-cart and riding a horse. I can't think of any better way to describe it. It's direct, responsive, and you can go anywhere under any conditions. And it's fucking fun! You can take the top off, you can take the doors off, you can fold the windshield down, you can take it up mountains, into the woods. You just can't beat a Jeep.


If you drive one, please observe the protocol.


It's a Jeep thing.