Monday, August 04, 2008

A True Story

Earlier this year, when the weather was cooler and not so humid I went hiking with my buddies Banky, Meesha and The D.

I took them out to my old stomping grounds on Dillon's Hill, just above the bird sanctuary at Cooley Lake.

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Dillon's Hill is the large wooded area to the north east of Cooley Lake. It is easier to see on the elevation map.

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The view from up there is incredible. Banky and The D, being city-folk, had never experienced the primeval, Midwestern forest. Meesha is from the Ukraine. He knows all about primitive, unimproved, rural areas. But he was fascinated by the large tracts of productive land intentionally set aside for preservation.

We had a nice picnic lunch of Spam, borscht and pickles washed down with some warm cans of Pabst on the bluff overlooking the lake before deciding to head back to my jeep.

On the way down, we stumbled across a tragic site.

It was a young piglet with it's head caught in a fence. It was squealing for help and there was no one around for miles.

What to do?

I said "I wish I had brought the wire cutters I have in the back of my jeep! We could save this poor piglet!"

Banky said "Whatevies! I wish that was Leona Helmsley caught in that fence! I'd go down on that rich, nasty, billionaire bitch and I'd be set forever!

Meesha says "Fuck Leona Helmsley! I wish that was Valentina Tereshkova caught in that fence! The first female Cosmonaut in space! That shit turns me on! I would totally tap that 80 year old shit! I would "go down" in history!

There was a long, awkward, pause as we all turned to The D.

After a long, detailed assessment of the porcine predicament, The D finally said...

"I wish it was dark."


Leigh Ann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leigh Ann said...

Sorry, I had my facts mixed up. But I remember when this happened! And it wasn't a piglet, it was a sheep. Her head was stuck in a hole in the fence.

And I won't say which one of you it was, but one of you had your way with the sheep.

Then you turned to one of the other two and said, "Either of you want some of that?" and one of them, I won't say which, grabbed the sheep and pulled it out of the hole, running off into the shadows, and the other one hurried and stuck his head in the fence.

That's the way I remember it.

Xavier Onassis said...

Leigh ann - I was trying to protect meesha. He sacrificed himself for the sheep. He'a all galant and chivalrous like that. For sheep.

Leigh Ann said...

And I'm just kidding! That's adapted from an old cowboy joke.

Xavier Onassis said...

leigh ann - I wasn't kidding. I really was trying to protect meesha. He still has barbed-wire scars around his neck and torso from wiggling himself into position.

meesha.v said...

I knew this wasn't true when you had the D eating pickles and Banky eating borscht.
This is the way it happened as told to me by the D himself. After one blogger meet-up,XO had few too many beers and when only he and the D were left at the table, XO started complaining: You know,D,I was married a few times,know a thing or two about women, but do they call me "XO,the great womanizer"?NO! I also worked for a long time,know a thing or two about programming, but do they call me "XO,the great computer wizard"?NO! But you fuck ONE sheep...
And that's what really happened!

Xavier Onassis said...

meesha.v - That's a Goddamned lie! I never fucked that sheep.

None of the Chinese Olympic Translation cards said "Baa aah" men't "No!".

So how could I know?

I couldn't know!

Stinkbait Boucher said...

which sheep you fuck then? i confuse.

Satyavati devi dasi said...

Yall just so twisted.

Ain't right.

Banky said...

I can't believe you forgot that Burt Reynolds was there too. And that crazy bastard kid on the bridge strumming that stupid banjo.

Whatever happens at Dillon Park, should stay at Dillon Park.