Sunday, October 26, 2008


I don't really give a shit how much traffic I get on this blog. I have some regular readers who sometimes leave comments. Some them like what I do, some of them don't. That's fine.

The anonymous trolls tend to steer clear because I don't bait or feed them. Pleased about that.

I can't remember the last time I even checked to see how many visitors I get. I know it's been months.

I'm not looking to win any awards, get quoted in the main stream media, or influence political leadership at any level. I just do this because I enjoy it. I'm in love with the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard like Joe Biden is in love with the sound of his own voice. If other people enjoy it too, well, that's pretty cool.

Having said all that, I sometimes stumble across something like this website grader and if I'm bored enough to be curious, I play along.

I'm pretty bored this morning.

"A website grade of 97/100 for means that of the hundreds of thousands of websites that have previously been evaluated, our algorithm has calculated that this site scores higher than 97% of them in terms of its marketing effectiveness. The algorithm uses a proprietary blend of over 50 different variables, including search engine data, website structure, approximate traffic, site performance, and others."

I gotta call bullshit on that. There is no fucking way this is anywhere close to accurate. It's simply impossible.

I won't bore you with the whole report. I don't even know what half the shit means.

"A. Metadata
Metadata tags allow you to tell the search engines what your web page is about. Learn more about metadata and why it's important.

Page Title: Hip Suburban White Guy
Meta Description: --missing--
Meta Keywords: --missing--"

What the fuck is "Metadata"? No wonder I don't have any. I don't even know what it is.

"D. Interior Page Analysis: 3 Pages Processed
We looked at a few other pages on your website to see how well they are optimized. This sort of interior page analysis can reveal exciting opportunities for you to target specific keywords or visitors. You can then create landing pages optimized towards converting those visitors into customers.

Page Keywords Description
Hip Suburban White Guy: In Defence of Elitists -- missing -- -- missing --
Hip Suburban White Guy: We Can't Stop Iran (or... -- missing -- -- missing --
Hip Suburban White Guy: The Hip Suburban White... -- missing -- -- missing --

E. Readability Level: Primary / Elementary School
This score measures the approximate level of education necessary to read and understand the web page content. In most cases, the content should be made to be simple so that a majority of the target audience can understand it."

OK. So what?

"B. Google PageRank: 4"

What the hell does this mean?

"C. Google Indexed Pages: 711"

This number means nothing to me. Is this good or bad? No idea.

"E. Traffic Rank: Top 5.87 %
Alexa is an online service that measures traffic for millions of sites on the Internet in a similar way to Nielsen television show ratings.

Your website has an Alexa rank of 1,804,338 which is in the top 5.87 % of all websites."

Impossible. I'm calling shenanigans.

"F. Inbound Links: 13,560
One of the most important measures for a website is how many other sites link to it. The more links the better. Having links to your website from authoritative resources on the Internet helps you rank higher in search engines since these links are an indication that your website is trustworthy and contains good content."

Who the hell are these people and why don't they attend our monthly blog meats?

"B. Blog Ranking: Top 0.36 %
Technorati is a popular blog directory service. It measures the popularity of a given blog as compared to all other sites that have been submitted to its system.

This blog currently has a Technorati rank of 255,487, which puts it in the top 0.36% of blogs tracked by Technorati."

This can't possibly be true. Somebody needs to fix their algorithms.

What a crock of shit. They must be trying to get me to buy something. Not happening.

I think I'll peel myself away from the computer, get showered, take GTO and her friend to Taystee Freeze for milk shakes, and try to talk them into going to the Zombie Walk with me.

Enjoy your Sunday.


m.v. said...

I think the quality of one's blog should be measured in the amount of stuff you get from it. I.e. KC Beer blog constantly gets free beer and sometimes free meals. I got 0 items from mine and lost 1 girlfriend. Obviously I have a negative score and they have a 100.

DLC said...

You don't know what metadata is? It the librarian's lifeblood that's what!

SmedRock said...

Meta data is used by spiders on the web (from places like Yahoo or Google)to retrieve information about your site. Usually placed in the header area of your HTML code, it can contain words or phrases that you want a search engine to pick up on.

The other items you are questioning can easily be googled. :) But meta data is usually quite easy to place.

poodlesplace said...

I got 49/100. I'm not sure if that means I am better than you or I suck more...

Leigh Ann said...

I can explain all this. The meta data are HTML tags you put in the head of your page. You can add a description that shows up in the search engines, keywords, etc.

4 is a very good Google page rank. It means you're popular. You can see it if you use the Google toolbar. Your site comes up Page Rank 5 when I view it, which is very awesome.

Google has 711 pages indexed. Every blog post you make gets it's own web page, and you have more than 1,000 posts. Google has stored 711 of them in the search engine. What a cool number!

I think they're pulling your traffic percentage (top 5%) from the "blogspot" portion of your domain name.

"Inbound Links: 13,560": If you're on 50 blogrolls, and each of those blogs has 500 posts, and each one of those posts is its own page, that would be 25,000 inbound links to your site. Very realistic.

"This blog currently has a Technorati rank of 255,487"

No, I believe it. Your blog is very popular.

As far as the 97%, I think they are picking that up from the "blogspot", too. Your blog is a subdomain of So the Google information and Technorati info on here would be accurate for your blog, but the overall grade is coming from your "root domain" (blogspot)

Xavier Onassis said...

leigh ann - Ah! I knew you would know what was going on! Gawd, but I do like me some smart wimmins1

Yes. This makes a LOT more sense now. I can see blogspot garnering those kind of numbers, but not me.

Thank you! I'll probably just shoot you a link to the whole report and let you translate it for me.

Faith said...

You wanna see a crock of shit, just look up Tony's blog on any one of those popularity trackers. Makes me wanna throw up...