So I was out running some errands today up in Liberty. Having lived there for a couple of years I know how to get around on the back roads and side streets so as to keep traffic congestion and human interaction to a bare fucking minimum. Because I really don't like people very much. Scratch that...too many words again...I really don't like people. Period. Except for you, of course. And that babe over there with the great rack and the badonkadonk.
So I'm on Church Rd., if you can believe that shit. It runs parallel to 35 on the west side and it's a good way to get to the Liberty Walmart area and avoids the Holy Australian Clusterfuck that is the intesection of I-35 and 152.
I'm coming up on the Cedar Crest development. It's a bunch of duplexes that I looked into the last time I moved. They were all right. Just kind of plain and boring.
But not any fucking more! No sir! They now have what folks in Real Estate call a Distinguishing Feature. Something that sets them apart from other residential developments. Something to make them stand out from the crowd.
They have Robo-Jeebus.
(you should click to embiggen and get a better look...the backlighting was a bad idea)
Well, maybe not an actual Robo-Jeebus. I never saw him move. But he could still be a robot. He could just be standing sentinal like Gort in "The Day The Earth Stood Still" until the property manager says "Chrsito barada nicto" or something. Then he goes about righteously smiting delinquent duplex renters and collecting the fucking rent.
I've never been very good at estimating the size of things (other than my 14" penis), but this giganto-Jeebus has to be 25 or 30 feet tall. And I don't know if that is aluminum, or stainless steel or what the fuck it is.
The thing is, if it were in front of a church or something, it would be kinda cool and pretty impressive.
But it's not! It's just standing there in front of a bunch of duplexes for NO APPARENT REASON! That's fucked up!
I can just hear this conversation:
FRIEND 1: "Dood, I need to hook up with you to buy some blow and have some gay sex. How do I get to your place?"
FRIEND 2: "It's easy. Get on I-35 north and take the Pleasant Valley exit. Make a left, cross under the highway and then make a right on Church Rd. right by the QT there. Keep going until you see a shiny, 30 FOOT TALL, STAINLESS STEEL, GIANT FUCKING JESUS CHRIST SHOOTING DIVINE FUCKING DEATH RAYS FROM HIS FUCKING HEART!! That's me. Make a left. I'm 37B. Bring lube!"