Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy VD!

You know the drill guys. Valentines Day is here.

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your fucking brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for her more than any other.

Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that fucking much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat, unacustomed thought and, on average, half a fucking paycheck.

Another secret ladies; guys feel left out.

That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day".

Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all.

Just a Steak and a Blowjob.

Thats it.

Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.

Hey ladies, remember that old grade school tradition of giving a Valentine's Day card to every boy in your class?

You work with guys, right?

Why not give them a "Steak and Blowjob Day" card? I can guarantee you a newfound level of nerdy computer support, security walks to your car, and an increased interest in any words that come out of your mouth.

This is a win/win scenario.

[Any guy who reports you to HR for giving him a Steak & Blow Job card is gay!]

Steak and Blow Job Day was founded by Tom Birdsey (may God Bless his Brilliantly GENIUS Eternal Soul, Amen)


Donna said...

Well... my husband seems to think it's an excellent idea.

marigoldsue said...

One of my friends is in a "serious" relationshp for the first time this Valentine's Day. She asked for suggestions on what to get her boyfriend for Valentine's Day. My idea of the perfect gift was that she should take him to The Moonlight Bunny Ranch and join in. I thought I nailed that so well, it made me wonder why I am the one who is single :)

dangerousdaisy said...

Happy VD to you too.

'Cept I don't have it.