Sunday, February 15, 2009

I Wish I Could Wear Hats Again

Before I started shaving my head, when I was younger, I could wear hats.

These days, I just can't find one that looks good on me. Particularly of the western variety.

A woman I was dating once gave me a very nice cowboy hat which I had custom blocked in a style to my liking and dressed it up with a hatband I liked.

But everytime I'm about to go someplace where I think it might look appropriate, I put it on my head, look in the mirror and think "Oh FUCK no." and back in the box it goes.

But if I could pull it off and had the money to spend, I'd be dropping some serious coin over at Baron Hats.

"Baron California Hats has been serving the Motion Picture, Television, and well as the general public for 75 years.

For two decades we personally have made hats for many of the entertainment work's top names, television shows, and movies, Film epics such as "How the West Was Won", Paul Newman's "The Sting", and "Exodus", "The Man from Snowy River", "1941", "Crocodile Dundee", "Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom", "The Whole Ten Yards", and "Hidalgo". TV's popular mini-series, "Centennial", "The Thorn birds", "North and South", and the Emmy award-winning, "Winds of War", as well as the long-running weekly series "Gunsmoke", "Bonanza", "Star Trek" and "Little House on the Prairie", were but a few productions who relied on Baron's hat making abilities to lend authenticity to their overall look.

We have created hats for many of John Wayne's immortal classics like "The Alamo", "The Searchers", and the film that earned Duke his academy award for best actor, "The Grit"."

Here are a few of the hats I wish I could pull off.

The Kilgore from "Apocalypse Now”

"The Kilgore"
100% Hand Brushed Beaver
Includes a Certificate of Authenticity
and our Exclusive Baron's Lifetime Guarantee
Available New or with Special Aging
for an additional charge of $99

The Charley from "Open Range"

"The Charley"
100% Beaver
Includes a Certificate of Authenticity
Available New or with Special Aging
for an additional charge of $99

The J. B. Books from "The Shootist"

This was the hat John Wayne wore in his very last film.

The one where he was shot dead by Opie Taylor.

100% 200XXX Beaver
Crown: 6” Extra High Crown with Classic Tear Drop
Brim: 4 1/2” Galloping Wave-Shaped with Cliff-Razor edge
Hatband: 1” Real Naturally Harvested Snakeskin
Available New or with Special Aging
for an additional charge of $99

But I know I would look ridonkulous in all of those.

So hear is your challenge, dear reader. Find me a hat that would actually look good on me!

Not a western hat. Just something that would look good. GO!


Spyder said...

Try this on :

Xavier Onassis said...

Spyder - If I were going the Nordic route, I wouldn't stop with the opera horns. I'd go full blown Thor.

emawkc said...

Ah yes. There's nothing finer than 100% brushed beaver.

m.v. said...

I suggest Sherlock Holmes hat, but you'll have to have a matching pipe, and depending what's in the pipe, you may not care what's on your head

Xavier Onassis said...

I used to have a pipe exactly like that. It was my favorite. Sold it when I quit smoking.

Dexter Colt said...

The Fedora on top is nearly there. You can probably pull it off. Maybe a Homburg-style is more your speed.

PlazaJen said...

I think you need to steer away from the cowboy hats but investigate the classic Fedora. That or a Kangol, worn backwards, ala Samuel L. Jackson. (But I do think the Fedora.... you should go to the hat store in Westport, next to Murray's. The owner won't steer you wrong.) The Missing Piece is the name of the store.

PlazaJen said...

Or you can wheedle a knitter to make you this:

I Travel for JOOLS said...

You're definitely not a western hat type of guy. It doesn't fit your personality at all. I like the ones you wore in your pictures .. more urban, cosmo.

May said...

oh my god I LOVE hats! One of the reasons I keep my hair short is so I can wear lots of hats.

Have you tried the "newsie" type hat? Those are spiffy. My dad had one or two of them; he's bald and they looked good on him.

Xavier Onassis said...

I think the Kangol or "newsie" type cap worn backwards ala Samuel L. Muthafucking Jackson may indeed be the way to go. Been contemplating that hat for a while, actually.

No offense, but I am definitely steering clear of the knitted fucking chicken wing viking hat.

Although I think it has one local blogger's (smellslikebullshit) name written all over it.

Dexter - I don't think you can wear a homburg in a vacuum. You need to have the rest of you sartorial shit together, to pull off a homburg. Otherwise it looks like somebody took a nice hat and tossed it on top of a pile of shit.

Midtown Miscreant said...

Ron Howard didnt shoot Wayne, he shot the bartender after the duke killed the other 3 guys.

I'll tell you why you cant wear a hat and it has nothing to do with how douche like they make you think you look, except that Panama hat which is teh ghey. It's the whole shavin your head thing. I cant even stand a stocking cap on my head since I started shaving it. Stubble drives me crazy as well. I think once you get all aerodynamic and shit, anything on your head just makes you nuts. At least thats my problem with hats.

m.v. said...

Here are few more choices: "airport" cap ,timeless Lenin look (and you have matching facial hair),"budenovka" - Russian army hat from the 20s and 30s.

m.v. said...

Link for Lenin's hat

Dexter Colt said...

"Otherwise it looks like somebody took a nice hat and tossed it on top of a pile of shit."

LOL. Thanks for the laugh.