Monday, March 09, 2009

It's a No Brainer



I hear reports all the time about how people who find themselves suddenly unemployed are having difficulty getting through to their state Unemployment offices.

The Unemployment office websites are locking up and crashing.

Trying to get someone on the phone can involve sitting on hold for hours, often resulting in a maddening dropped call forcing you to start all over.

Benefits are slow in coming or are denied, forcing you to the website or phone to appeal. See above.

So here's the way my mind works. See if you can follow this convoluted and complicated line of reasoning.

Why the fuck aren't the state unemployment offices hiring people like a motherfucker?

They should be hiring anybody without a job and with a pulse that walks through the fucking door!

I mean, how high can the standards be? Have you ever dealt with anyone in an unemployment office? Or any state office building?

REQUIRED SKILL SET

Education? No.

Pleasant Disposition? No.

Helpful Attitude? No.

People Skills? No.

Sense of Urgency? No.

Professionalism? No.

Knowledgeable? No.

Dedication to The Task at Hand? No.

Compassion? No.

Creative Problem Solver? No.

Ability to Think Outside The Box? No.

Willingness to Cut Through Red Tape? Oh, Hellz to the No!

Ability to Show Up Most Days? Desirable, but not required.

Ability to Memorize Lunch and Break Schedules? Required.

Ability to Memorize State Employee Union Rules and Regulations? Required.

Here is the plan.

Take a big chunk of that stimulus package going to the states and put it towards hiring people to staff the Unemployment offices and expanding their IT and Telcom technical staff.

Soak those fuckers up like a sponge!

Add more servers to the websites. Add more telephone lines. Let the laid off IT, Telcom, Customer Service and Management professionals find ways to improve the system and increase efficiencies.

As the economy recovers, lay those fuckers off so they can get better jobs in the private sector, leaving their efficiencies behind.

As the demand for Unemployment bandwidth decreases, sell off the extra capacity to recovering businesses at a discount.

Why have none of the financial geniuses "fixing" this mess identified this simple example of the law of supply and demand?

What am I missing here?

8 comments:

m.v. said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Next Governor of Missouri, XO!

Kansas Sity Sinic said...

Silly XO, that money is going to true infrastucture...

like salt marsh mice and tattoo removal ;-)

Funny post

SmedRock said...

Hey the Pole Dance Academy enrollments are up.

Xavier Onassis said...

m.v. - I knew I could count on your vote.

Sinic - You are overlooking a couple of things. There is no mention whatsoever anywhere in the stimulus legislation of any money for the salt marsh mouse. That's Fox News bullshit.

Second, I absolutely support money for the removal of those hideously ridiculous jailhouse and gang tatoos if it helps former criminals find a path to legitimate jobs and acceptance in society.

Why wouldn't you want to help them rehabilitate themselves and go legit if they have that desire?

Do you think society is better served by keeping them down and forcing them back into a life of crime because no one will give them a chance? Do you seriously think that is an answer to the problem?

Do you not realize what drives people to criminal behavior up to and including terrorism?

It is a total lack of hope and complete dispair. It's when they look at the world and say "Fuck it. I've got nothing to lose. It can't get any worse than where I am now." It's when even prison or death is more appealing than the life they are living. That's when they are a danger to you.

Give them hope, give them an honest chance of achieving what you have achieved and they no longer have any incentive to take what you have from you. They can get it on their own.

It is so freaking simple. I don't know why the Right Wing can't seem to grasp this.

m.v. said...

I am not sure about right wing but I think the problem with left wing is inability to separate dreams from reality and something that sounds good from sad truth. The truth is that there are bad motherfuckers in the world and it's not tattoos,or race or short penises keeping them down. My solution-hard labor preferably in cold (or hot) areas. It's time to admit that there is no such thing as rehabilitation and stop pretending that it's real. P.S. agreed with field mouse, it's not in the stimulus, but today they are talking about passing a bill with 8,000 earmarks so maybe mouse crawled in there.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Xo, do you support STIMULUS tax dollars going towards removing the tattoos of wealthy gang members who want to get out of the gang business or just poor ones? I mean, if you're a true democrat, you need to draw the distinction.

Kansas Sity Sinic said...

I don't see how rehabilitating ex-cons is going to help stimulate the economy.

Why give those who have been a royal degenerate to society a job that could go towards a lay abiding citizen?

Salt Marsh was in the first stimulus legislation set forth.

Kansas Sity Sinic said...

ahem, law abiding