Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Thank's Everybody!

I tried to make this the closing comment on emawkc's awesome Birthday Roast, but unsurprisingly, I droned on a bit too long.

"Your HTML cannot be accepted: Must be at most 4,096 characters"

So I brought all of my comments over here as a

Wow. This was pretty amazing. There was obviously some advance planning that went into this, but y'all did a hell of a lot better job keeping secrets than anybody in Washington, because this came as a complete surprise.

As is traditional in these things, the Roastee gets the last word.
First, I'd like to thank emawkc for throwing this little shindig.

Emawkc was one of the very first people to ever leave a comment on my blog and I've considered him to be a friend ever since.

Although I'm quite fond of emawkc, he's absolutely wrong on every political and social subject of any importance. I seriously worry that he may have some sort of brain tumor. Something ain't hooked up right in that increasingly follicularly challenged noggin of his.

But I have to give him props. He managed to pull off a fairly elaborate birthday celebration without spending a fucking dime.

Cheap bastard.

But I don't want anyone to feel too bad for Keith. He seemed to enjoy obtaing my "DNA sample". He even suggested we "do this again sometime" and promised to call, which he never did.


Logtar - What is this magical "abacus" of which you speak. Is it in someway superior to my trusty clay tablet and stick?

Spyder - My balls only clang if I'm going commando, but the spikes do tend to chafe a bit.

Eolai - True story!

Absolutely Feisty - You know the feeling is mutual. You are one of the most important people in my... wait.... "I'm not even sure in what city Woodstock was held... maybe my mom knows?" WTF, bitch?!? You steppin' to me? LOL!

Muddy Mo - "People don’t invite XO out anymore — they go without him and live tweet him about it". True dat! Sad part is, I kinda prefer it that way.

Shane - "he's old enough that he was around for the Creation" That was a wild and crazy day! Very hectic, as I recall. There was so much extra work that had to be done to make shit look like it was so much older than it really was.

Nightmare - Good stuff!

Cara - That's some primo material right there!

Doc - "reading X.O. you just know he was old loooooong ago" Funny you should say that. When I was in my 20's a woman told me she could tell I had a "very old soul". Although I found te statement interesting, it didn't sound like anything that would get me laid, so I filed it away.

Nuke718 - "I have seen no picture of him with women" You, sir, have not been paying attention!

M.M. - You're the best of the best, man. Of course you did have some "alone time" in which to hone your writing skills. :)

Chris Packham - "...not with a wet, farty splat on the pavement accompanied by a clattering spill of loose dentures and insulin injection paraphernalia." See, this is why I luv ya brutha (note the NON-GAY spellings!). You paint the word pictures. You're a fucking artist!

Donna - Thanks for stopping by!

TheDLC - "This guy is a gold mine" I interpret that to mean that gold mines are dark, dank dirty death traps that bring pain and suffering to greedy capitalists. Thanks, man!

Janet - Thanks for writing on my wall!

Average Jane - I'd be happy to grill you up another one any time you get the hankerin'.

Kanye West - You're a jackass.

Dan - "...when XO moved from Liberty to Independence, the average IQ of both places fell a couple points"?

That reminds me of Bilbo's toast. "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

It will take a mighty bit of pondering to work out whether there was a compliment in there or not!

Faith - Thank you!

Sandie - That cat was fucking begging for it! Little slut!

Well Hell Michelle - You are too kind. And I'm pretty sure you need better glasses and fewer meds.

Lee - "XO is so old he knew Thor the God of Thunder when he was still Torvald "Boom Boom" J├Ârgensen."

Dude, that is some funny fucking shit right there!
Thanks for staying in touch!

And thank all y'all for the birthday love.

I've really enjoyed this.

Now, who wants to help me move a sleeper-sofa from Olathe to the 2nd floor of my Independence townhouse? And by "help" I mean do all the moving while I worry about you scratching the walls?

Hey! Where did everybody go?

Hello? (hello) [hello]


Nuke said...

"Torvald "Boom Boom" J├Ârgensen"

As much fun as the whole thing was, this made me choke up from laughing so hard.

And I suppose maybe pictures of you exist with women, you just trot out the Batmobile more often. Now put your pants on and get back to work damnit!

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Happy Birthday !

Midtown Miscreant said...

I did my best Don Rickles.
As for moving your heavy ass sofa sleeper, count me out. I'm not carying a couch two feet unless it's a burglary in progress. You commie socialists always want somebody to help you with your burden. First it's health care, now it's couches. Hire an out of work mover from craigslist , you tight ass.
Happy birfday.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! I'm doing a strip tease for ya, too bad you can't see it cause I don't have a web cam. :D