Friday, October 09, 2009


Some of the guys on Twitter have been trying to organize a pig roast. Except none of them have ever roasted a pig and none of them have anyplace where they can roast a pig.

The latest idea is to hire a butcher to slaughter a pig, cook it, slice it up and we go pick it up ready to eat. So basically, we're talking about carryout.

It's just a big Australian Cluster Fuck.

If anyone knows how and where we can have a REAL pig roast, leave me a comment and I'll try and fix this shit.

My only experience with pig roasting dates back to my last marriage. We hired a guy to roast a pig for our wedding reception.

No hiring a caterer and paying $25-$50 per head or whatever crazy-in-love newlyweds are willing to shell out for fancy, over-priced, small plate reception dinners.

Nah. Fuck that. We paid some guy $300.00 to show up at our friend's house at 7am with a pig, a smoker and his own supply of beer.

Guy sat there all day long, from 7 in the morning till about 4 or 5, roasting that fucking pig while we got married.

When we showed up he got out his electric knife, carved up the pig and dished it up in paper plates stacked high with delicious meat.

What was left of that pig fit into a single charcoal bag which he carted off with the rest of his equipment.

Everybody went home with leftover pig. It was awesome.

I went through a bunch of old photos looking for those pics of the reception, but I think sometime after the divorce I may have used them to sop up some leaky transmission fluid or line a hamster cage. Couldn't find them anywhere.

What I did find was this.

We were having dinner one night. Young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis was in her high chair enjoying some delicious "pasghetti" when we hear the ominous words "Hat? Hat?"

We turned around to this.


AKCB said...

Uh, in your backyards, ladies.

You freaks coulda picked a nicer time of year weather-wise.

m.v. said...

Finally someone to lead,so we can follow or get out of the way.

Xavier Onassis said...

m.v. - I ain't leadin' nuthin'! Just trying to help.

Poodles said...

I know a way to do it, but you're gonna need a shovel...

Joe said...

One of you should have a Viet friend or someone at work from Vietnam. Ask them where to get a pig roasted. I work with first generation Viet and when we've had roasted pig it was just yummy