Tuesday, January 12, 2010

An Epiphany!

I live in a "town home". In New Jersey we called them "patio homes".

It's a lot like a duplex, except it's a fourplex, it has two floors, includes a garage and in some cases a basement or patio.

My garage is fairly small and it is lined with my old crappy bookshelves filled with tools and sealed Tupperware storage containers housing my old darkroom equipment, GTO's family heirlooms and such.

When I pull in, I actually have to be cognizant of which side of the vehicle I need to unload stuff from. Inches matter.

Tonight, I was especially aware of these constraints.

I thought to myself "this spring". This spring I will separate the wheat from the chaff. I will throw stuff away, I will have a garage sale, I will move stuff up to my attic.

Yes, I actually have some accessible attic space just off of my 2nd floor walk-in closet that leads to some impressive storage.

I could make my garage a lot more useful if I moved a lot of that crap into my attic!

But I can't do it by myself. That shit is heavy and the access to my attic space is small.

But then I remembered.

My daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis, has a BOYFRIEND now!

He's 16 years old.

I'm the father of his girlfriend!

That gives me some leverage!

I can get his eager-young ass over here to help me haul shit from the garage to the attic! He'll be happy to do it!

But wait! There's more!

Why should I have to do anything? He has friends!

I can get "Jimmy" and his friends over here to clean out my garage, haul heavy shit up stairs to the attic, and I won't have to do anything but make a batch of tacos.

But wait! There's more!

My dad and step-mom in Olathe have a sleeper-sofa they want to give me. It's in their garage. All I have to do is come and get it.

But they live in MORDOR, I don't have a truck, and even if I had a friend with a truck willing to make the trip, I don't know that I could handle my end of the sofa to get it up a narrow flight of stairs to the spare bedroom without blowing out my already compressed disc. Those hide-a-beds are HEAVY and AWKWARD!

Jimmy! I bet you have some friends with a pick up truck!



Average Jane said...

I knew you were an evil genius!

May said...

Love it!