Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Ancient Aliens My Big Black Ass!



For some inexplicable reason, I watched an episode of Ancient Aliens tonight.



Which, by the way, is exactly like watching any given program on Fox News. A steaming pile of bullshit lightly sprinkled with a few grains of fact.

But I digress.

OK, so all of these huge, ancient, megalithic monuments are astronomical observatories built by our ancestors with the help of aliens.

Let me get this straight.


The nearest star (other than the sun) is Proxima Centauri and it is 4.5 light years away.


So these ancient aliens who had the technology 6,000 years ago to travel light years to get here and make contact with our stone age ancestors said "Hey dudes! We're more advanced than your ancestors will be for another 7,000 years! We're gonna help you out and leave a little "easter egg" hinting at our existence. We're going to teach you how to build telescopes out of BIG ASS ROCKS that only work twice a year!!"


Now, they could have said "We're going to leave you this 1 trillion megapixel telescope powered by an eternal energy source built out of starship hull-metal alloy and protected by an impervious force field that will preserve and protect it for billions of years and it will remain pointed at our home star system forever. All you have to do is look at it. Oh, and when this light over here comes on...it's time to plant your crops. When this other light over here comes on, you can harvest your crops. You're welcome."


But no. Ancient aliens with technology that is indistinguishable from magic travelled light years to visit barbarians to teach them how to stack rocks more better.


Right. That makes perfect sense. If you watch Fox News.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but the music is so convincing and the narrator so sincerely alarmist. Isn't everything on t.v. true?

GB, RN said...

I thought you had a pasty, white ass? I'm so confused.

Nick said...

Is that the show Dan Akroyd hosts? 'cause I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo believe that one.

emawkc said...

You have forgotten about the Prime Directive. The aliens couldn' andvance ancient technology, only give advice on how to use tech that the ancients already have.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

I don't know about ancient aliens, but beginning to wonder about contemporary ones what with all the weird things happening lately.

Hyperblogal said...

Most everything here in Northeast was built by the Aztecs....

Anonymous said...

After seeing the way our ancestors treated each other maybe they felt they didn't deserve the technology or could be trusted with it. Kinda how you feel about guns.

Anonymous said...

You just sound like a whiny child who isn't getting their way. If they do exist and REALLY wanted to help us out then yeah they could have given us all their best technology and just teach us how to use it but they didn't for a legit reason. They not only wanted us to have their technology but also cultivate our own, and understand how to create it. They wanted us to figure out how life and nature works in order to be taught to advance ourselves in many aspects. They aren't just gonna give us all their shit and say here you go just hit this button, we would never learn that way. That concept is just being ignorant, thinking aliens don't exist cuz they didn't wipe our asses for us. Are you gonna cry if they don't give you a lollipop either? The point was to guide us, not do everything for us. That comes with a lot of things to learn and to learn those things we firstly need discipline, notice how the chinese learned martial arts. They said their "gods" taught it to them. And they developed from there. If they just gave us everything then we wouldn't learn anything except how to press buttons and notice when lights flash on and off. No instead they helped us by not treating us like babies and moved us forward through guiding and hard work. Which is what every human should learn anyways, otherwise they become spoiled brats.

Anonymous said...

You need to shut the fuck up you Liberal communist piece of trash

phxcoastie said...

Lemme guess, you think this is bullshit but i'm sure you believe in god, and that jesus got up after being crucified to spread the word of the good book, and that creation is the only possible theory for the existence of humanity. Now thats magic and a bunch of fooey.
SO, this shit in egypt: well it happened several thousand years ago, who the hell knows what was really going on. However, the fact that they built such things during a time of extremely rudimentary intelligence, is quite amazing and mysterious.
If there were ancient aliens, why would they feel in necessary to share technology. Plus, a galactic trip for them back to thier home may take a couple thousand years. After all, time is only relevant to the individual. But ultimately, all the catholic bullshit that the church pushes on people will always cloud peoples judgment.

Anonymous said...

Whoever thinks were alone in this universe and doesn't see the signs and evidence left over on this planet of extraterrestial intelligence is a simple minded fool that needs to get a reality check. Dumb article.

Anonymous said...

you really think we are the only ones,.... all this, the planet, the solar system, the universe, all for just us, REALLY, does that honestly make sense to you???

Anonymous said...

Food for thought. Consider that if there were visitors here 6000 years ago, or whatever, then who says that they were anything close to what our modern brains can fabricate. Maybe they were here, and maybe they did have some brief interraction with early people. Maybe over the last thousands of years they had internal conflicts in their society, like we do, and finally bombed eachother out of existance. This is a conversation that has aspects of possible argument that we don't even know how to start thinking about. Anything is possible. Do I believe it all? Not necessarily. Am I naieve enough to just say its false? Not really.

Gateway said...

It's kinda like when we send dentists/doctors to 3rd world countries. We help the people out, teach them some shit, but we don't build them hospitals or give em construction equipment to build them. We usually treat them with the technology that they already have, and set up a hospital tent or something. Come on man, use your head

Anonymous said...

It's kinda like when we send doctors/dentists to 3rd world nations. We treat them, teach em some shit, but we don't build them hospitals, or give them the construction equipment to build one. We don't give them equipment to conduct surgery. We teach them how to make the best with technology that they already have. Come on bro, use your head

ezraan said...

really? people actually believe that in all the infinite mass that is "space" that there are NO other life forms, planets or solar systems outside of ours?

so what... basically they think that there is NO chance what so ever that the same explosion that caused this planet (or whatever creation theory you choose to believe) happened some where else first or since? and that if you got in a space ship and spent the rest of your days floating through space you wouldn't eventually find something?

or if you did come across other life forms that they couldn't possibly be more advanced than us?

lol

arrogant much?

s said...

Ok, i at your first thing you wanted to get straight.

It is not that they came to visit us, it is that we are a cross between Neander and Them fucking fool.

Anonymous said...

Blah blah..
LoL! Holy Bible said, 90% are yet to be discovered..

Anonymous said...

I just started watching the show and yes some of the guys on the show try to blame everything on aliens. Sometimes it is so hilarious and gives me a good laugh. All I want to say is that for thousands of years people have been seeing things come from the sky(heavens)even to today. I just find it hard to believe that all these people are not telling the truth. Now we all know that there are plenty of crazy people on this planet. But if you have any sort of religious belief at all you believe in aliens. Aliens by definition are beings not from this planet period.

lloorr11 said...

all i can say IS ~~YOU are def! narrow-minded.~i suppose u don't believe that we ourselves~are DESIGNED~~look at your chair, house, plants, animals, etc. But take the CHAIR>did it make itself?~or did a man/woman DESIGN it?~and the old saying~what came 1st, the chicken or the egg? the Chicken of course, becuz it HATCHED the 1st egg.(and if it didnt~what, who did?~and in this VAST universe~we all are but a SPECK~our lifetime, barely a second~(in relation to everything in the Cosmos)~so`yes, you have the freedom to choose, as we all do. i hope u choose LIFE. from LLOORR!!

Unknown said...

I've watched it too, but maybe different channel. It said that the aliens need our Gold for save their planet from doom. So they dig our gold, and when they dig the gold, they made an interaction with human at that time, and teach them some technology for human to use. And human help the aliens to dig tyhe gold...

Anonymous said...

it was not agreed to invoke the apes to slaves, the chain of the giants had began

dB said...

I don't know if it is true or not but, your argument sucks a little actually. Let's assume that you have a son with 12 years old, if he come home with a homework would give him answers or teach him how to do it for him to next time walk by is own feet and solve the homework by himself?
so, i think you cant say "why the didn't give us the tool and not the know how?" (sorry for my bad English, not my language)

Anonymous said...

to say that extraterrestrial life does not exist is a laughable thought but to say they came here thousands of years ago and left nothing but hints to there existence is funnier. all that program does is discredit mans achievements and say from our high horse of technological advancement that they surely could not have done it as they were spear wielding idiots. a lot of what they show on that program of course food for thought but not that aliens visited them but other ancient cultures like the Asians or Europeans and that picture of the Aztec in the spaceship driving position also looks remarkably like an unborn human fetus. yes there are a lot of gaps in human history that cannot be filled by us today and it just seems to me palming it off to be aliens seems like a very easy way out to explain it

Anonymous said...

more better????? geniuses Aliens r real 4 sure u narrow minded chimps