Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Cafeteria Lady


Faith had a great post today about gross incompetence at the salad-making station of her cafeteria.

The cafeteria at my old job always had a lunch combo called "The Deal". Components varied, but the price was always the same. Sometimes it was a burger, fries and drink. Sometimes it was soup, salad and drink. You get the idea.

It was a fucking combo.


The gal at the checkout counter would always ask "Ya got the DEEL?"

"Ya got the DEEL?"

"Ya got the DEEL?"

Every goddamned day. Really fucking annoying.

One day I'm standing in line and the guy in front of me must have had some sort of "complicated lunch order" or confused her in some way, because he had already left and she was still balancing the drawer, moving money around, obviously very flustered.

She finally finished, closed the drawer and said (to no one in particular), "Whew! O.K.!!"

Then she focused her attention on me and said...

"You got the DEEL?"

I did indeed have the deal and told her so. As she was ringing me up, she said "Do you know of any easy jobs that don't require a lot of thought?"

...

"YEAH!!! YOURS!!!"

What. The. Fuck?

It's not like you are running an actual Cash Register where you have to do math in your head and enter dollar amounts.


I have The DEEL! Just hit the fucking DEEL button and it will tell you how much I need to give you. Tell "the machine" how much I gave you and it will tell you how much to give me back. The rest is easy because the United States Treasury (in it's infinite wisdom) actually put's the amount of the currency RIGHT ON THE FUCKING CURRENCY!



You don't have to look at a picture of George Washington and think,

"Hmmm, how much is he worth again?"
It's printed all over the bill in every conceivable variation!

I'm sorry ringing up lunches between 11am and 2pm is so fucking gruelling. I don't know how you take it!

You'll have to excuse me now, I have to take my DEEL back upstairs and eat it at my desk while I work up a quote for my agent on a 300 node frame relay network that has to include the customer's legacy multi-drop private lines, some ancient 9.6 circuits and a "hoot & holler" line.

I'll get back to you on that "easy job" thing.

6 comments:

Spyder said...

Our high school didn't have a cafeteria. You brought a cold lunch & ate it in the gynm. Ugh! Mom would have us kids meeet her at a restaurant for lunch. Thanks Mom!

We have a cafeteria at work. I don't even want to think about it.

Stinkbait Boucher said...

Man I feel you on this one. I've had a storied past with the Cafeteria Ladies in my life.

Your whole "frame relay" thing pinged me too. I wonder how many demarcs I've scouted or T-1's I've looped...

Spooky.

Now - this will seem like self-promotion but it's not - it's germane to the discussion.

If you're really, really bored you might think about skimming my lunch lady confessional. (no-one else did. That's for damn sure!)

Again - nicely done!

Xavier Onassis said...

stink - I'm not only concerned about where you found a picture of an evil, humanoid, pickle-creature wearing nothing but a jock strap, but I'm also concerned about what would prompt you to google for a picture like that in the first place.

I suspect that you may have "issues".

LOL!

satyavati said...

This all really tickled me.... because I can see the look on the girl's face, and I'm sure that she really does think she's got the hardest job there is. I guess it's nice there are people out there who actually want the brainless boring jobs that would drive other people to suicide...

What's a hoot n holler line?

Xavier Onassis said...

satyavati - remember the "Bat Phone" on TV? Or the way they always portrayed the "hotline" between Washington and Moscow in the movies?

Those are "hoot & holler" lines. "Always up" voice connections.

In reality, the "hotline" between Washington and Moscow wasn't a voice connection at all.

It was a teletype connection.

crse said...

See? After a day like today, I want to grab someone like that and say DID ANYONE THROW SHIT ON YOU TODAY? THEN SHUT THE HELL UP YOU FUCKING PRINCESS!!!

sorry...didnt expect that to come out...