Wednesday, June 06, 2007


UPDATE: The check cleared yesterday. I rule!

So, I was paying bills the other day.

I still pay bills the old fashioned way. With checks, stamps and snail mail.

Not because I'm scared of technology. But just because when it comes to paying my bills, I don't really give a flying fuck how long my money takes to get there or how cumbersome it is for them to deal with. Plus, I know that it costs them more money to process a paper transaction than it does an electronic payment.

Just my way of "sticking it to The Man!".

So, like I said, I was paying bills and I still had all of these 39 cent stamps and was combining them with those 2 cent make-up stamps to meet the new 41 cent first class postage rate.

I used up all of my 39 cent stamps, but I still had a shit load of 1 and 2 cent stamps from previous postage rate hikes.

They're still good, right?

So I decided to use them to mail my cell phone payment.

I actually even tipped them. That's actually 42 cents worth of postage.

I'm just generous like that.


Stinkbait Boucher said...

Man I hope you really did that because if you did I'm in the presence of genius.

As they say "I don't care who you are, that shit's funny there."

Xavier Onassis said...

Yes, I really did that.

Still waiting to see if it made it through the USPS mail sorting equipment.

I suspect it may have gotten kicked out for manual sorting (thereby adding even more time and expense to processing my payment).

So far, so good.

satyavati said...

That's priceless. There's no reason why it won't send; it's the same principle they taught us in school about writing a check. You can write a check on anything (a 4x8' sheet of plywood, a brick, someone's shirt) and as long as all the required information is there, the bank has no choice but to cash it.

Hey, I remember you saying that you and I had books in common, but I have yet to see any of them in your book list. What gives?

Xavier Onassis said...

satyavati - well, for starters, there are the H.P. Lovecraft books.

I only entered a handfull of my books in that library thing.

Then I got bored. I might go back and enter more later.

Nightmare said...


Faith said...

Ok, you have to update us when the check gets cashed or when it gets returned to your house...either way, I wanna know what happens with this envelope. Because that is muthafuckin' brilliant.

I have a kind of simple mind like that, though. I'm entertained easily, and all...:)

emawkc said...

Sticking it to the man? But... you are the man.

So, you're sticking it to yourself...

Spyder said...

Piece of Art! You & the envelope!

Keith Sader said...

It's just another case of the man trying to keep me down!

(There's an inside joke here, really)

crse said...

I have fantasies like this. Im wondering if i feed you other things i dont have the guts to do, you'd do them for me?

Red7Eric said...


My mom "sticks it to the man" by returning every credit application she gets without filling it out. She checks to make sure her name isn't on it -- if her name is printed, she collects scrap paper and sends that instead -- just to cost 'em the time and money it takes to open it up and realize they've been screwed.

She says that it serves 'em right, and also keeps the postal service afloat. Such a humanitarian, that woman.

faithstwin said...

I'm going against the grain here...I think that wasn't such a hot idea. I have a prediction: not only will the check never cash and you'll have a late notice on your bill but the envelope will not be returned either. It will be shipped via their 'circular file' with the label "asshole mail" on it.

Heather said...

That's awesome!! You've risen on my Love Meter this week!!!

Xavier Onassis said...

UPDATE: Just checked my wireless account online.

Current balance as of 06/08/07* $0.00
Payment due 06/16/07

Activity Since Last Statement
Last payment received 06/07/07 $142.23

It cleared. The check made it in. I rule.

Faith said...

Now I wish I knew how the mailpeople reacted when they saw it. I mean, sure, maybe it wasn't the first time they'd seen something like that, but maybe it was.

I can never be satisfied!! AUGH!!!

Faith said...

And btw...I counted it, and it was $.43 of postage. I counted twice. So I'm pretty sure about it. You're such a good little (!!) citizen, XO, tipping the USPS and everything...

God, I hated those $.2 stamps, too! I still have 3 of them left, and can't wait to be rid of them!

Spyder said...

$142.23 For your cell phone! That's almost double our family plan 2 cell phones. That does includes your daughter's doesn't it?

Xavier Onassis said...

Faith - "I can never be satisfied!! AUGH!!!" You just an uppity blues woman who cain't be satisfied!

"it was $.43 of postage. I counted twice. So I'm pretty sure about it. You're such a good little (!!) citizen, XO, tipping the USPS and everything..."

You're right. Just doing my patriotic duty to reduce Dubya's deficit. That extra 2 cents in postage is more of a contribution towards national fiscal responsibility than anything this administration has done in the last six years.

Donthca just love how I can take virtually ANYTHING and make it all about Bush? I got SKILLS, damnit!

spyder - um, no, that was just me. Long boring story that started with my daughter racking up an almost $500 cell phone bill last November on our family plan. Been making a series of adjustments for the past 6 months (including shutting her down completely for 2 months) to get her on a plan where she can exchange her routine 4000+ text messages each month and step my self down to an minimal individual plan without incurring any penalties. Almost there!! End result will be cheaper, manageable and no huge spikes.

Nat said...

LOL, you must be very proud of yourself.
So here is what you did:
-You spent extra money from your own pocket to mail an envelope
-You put little stamps and many of them, resulting in your envelope being sorted manually, thus slowing down the whole procss at the postal office.
-As a result someone there got paid overtime. Oh, and because you alwasy mail the checks, people, mostly contracted ones, that get paid a lot, and a lot of them are immigrants, have a job, that... wait for this.. you pay, through your taxes.

So due to you sending envelopes and using stamps, you get taxed more. because the stamp prices dont go towards the wages. Oh, and banck charges, mobile charges go up and up, because more men are needed to handle them.

But at least you made yourself and others laugh:)