Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hey Lady, Wanna Dance?

So, last Friday I have a clumsy fuck moment.

I tripped and fell and landed HARD on my right knee.


I iced it down, took some ibuprofen and went to bed.

The next day, I wrapped an ace bandage around it and went to CVS where I dropped about $60 on a sturdy knee brace, a couple of knee-cap-shaped ice bags with Velcro straps, and some Icy Hot sleeves.

I spent most of the weekend in my recliner, leg elevated, knee iced down.

On Monday I slipped one of those Icy Hot sleeves over the knee, wrapped that in the sport brace, popped some ibuprofen, grabbed my hickory cane to help keep the weight off the right leg and headed to work.

I decided this was a good excuse to drive the Chevy Blazer I bought for my daughter. My reasoning was, since it's an automatic, I wouldn't have to worry about working the clutch with my bad knee.

It actually wasn't until today that I thought "Oh work the clutch with your left foot. Putz!" But whatevies. The Blazer is a pretty sweet ride.

So, long story somewhat shorter, I've been toddling around the office this week with my bare hickory cane (bare = no rubber cap on the bottom) sounding like some sinister, B-movie pirate. I even tossed out the occasional "Arrrggghhh" to my startled co-workers.

This meant more time on my feet, less time with my leg elevated, and virtually no time and place to ice it down. Consequently, my knee became increasingly painful as the week went on.

Being a Real Man, it wasn't until today, 5 days after the injury that I thought "Ya know, maybe I should have a doctor take a look at this hot mess."

I didn't go to my primary care doctor because all he would be able to do is send me someplace else.

I didn't go to the ER because not only is it too expensive, but it's hard to make the case that I have an "emergency" when my injury occurred 5 days ago.

So I split the difference and went to an Urgent Care clinic that was covered by my insurance.

The Dr. there examined me, sent me to another clinic about half a block away for X Rays, then back to the Urgent Care Clinic to find out whassup.

As far as we can tell, I didn't actually break or tear anything important. I just whacked my knee against a hard object with about 240 lbs of brutal gravitational force. The tissue around the knee cap is angry as all fuck, but no serious damage.

The X Ray did reveal a small bit of bone or cartilage that's floating around loose in there and probably grinding stuff up.

The Dr wants me to ditch my hickory cane in favor of ACTUAL CRUTCHES to keep the weight off the knee. He also wants me to see an orthopedic Dr who can order an MRI to see if there is any soft tissue damage and decide what we should do about The Floater.

But the best news of all (wait for it....) is that he gave me a prescription for hydrocodone (that's Vicodin for you rich, brand name bitches). I caint read no doctor writin', so I don't know how powerful they are, but who gives a fuck. It's Vicodin. I'll take it and like it.

He also wants me to continue the icing and elevation therapy and 4 Ibuprofen 3 times a day to reduce the inflammation.

Oh, and one more thing. With the crutches, my left leg will be bearing the brunt of my weight and that's the leg that has the foot with the Plantar Fasciitis, a huge fucking bunion and a dislocated middle toe! That's the foot that I have the boot cast for. So I have THAT working for me. Yay me!

Who wants to go dancing?


Poodles said...


Maybe you should consider a scooter from the scooter store. I mean, you don't want to risk breaking a hip too. :)

Faith said...

Awwww! That all sounds awful, XO! I hope you heal fast and furious-like. Knee trouble is just not fun...:(

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Good thing you didn't bust your knee in the UK:

In the UK:

"* Hip and knee replacements only being allowed where patients are in severe pain. Overweight patients will be made to lose weight before being considered for an operation.

Source: The Independent 7/28/11

Groucho K. Marx said...

Well damn- we'll have to cancel or postpone your appearance on "Dancing With The Cars" that was scheduled to shoot on I-70 during evening drive.

Seriously- hope you fully (and relatively cheaply) recover my friend!

Well Hell Michelle said...

Damn the luck. I agree with Poodles... a scooter would be awesome. Bonus... you can get a lot of people to sit on your lap.

May said...

ouch! =\

Nick said...

What Poodles said.

Imagine the wonderful feeling of regaining your freedom and independence…eating dinner with your family…or making yourself a snack!

You may be eligible to receive a power chair at little to no cost to you. To find out whether you may qualify, call 1-866-565-9129...


Anonymous said...

Careful there dude and get well.

HAHAHA now you can go to Walmart Price Chopper and so forth use the little power scooters and just drive up and down the asiles getting the hotties to get you things you can't reach.

Anonymous said...

When you start falling down and shit, you need lifealert.



Brett has sore heels : said...

Now I'm starting to wonder if I have plantar fasciitis. I was searching Google for sore heels, etc. and came across this (and wondered what it had to do with dancing... I didn't get my sore heels dancing).

Sorry to hear about the knee, an am interested in the PF side of things. How long have you had it, and did it start with sore heels? A lot of searches I've done seem to point to plantar fasciitis... can't be the only reason for a sore heel, can it :< ?