Friday, July 29, 2011

A Modest Request For Proposal


Due to my current gimpy fuckedupedness, I'm not above paying someone for some basic services.

It's not that I "can't" do any of this stuff, it's that I'm supposed to be staying off of my right knee to give it a chance to heal.

So here is a list of shit that I am totally able to do for myself but would consider paying someone to do for me. I'd prefer to have them done this weekend. You can submit a bid on any combination of the listed tasks.

1. Rounding up dirty dishes and loading the dishwasher.
This is mostly taking all of my half-filled coffee cups cluttering my bathroom counter upstairs down to the dishwasher in the kitchen. There may be a few other stray dishes, but not many.

2, Doing 1, maybe 2 loads of laundry. I'll do the folding and ironing. I don't trust anyone to do that right at any price.

3. Make a grocery store run. I'll make a list and give you the cash.

4. Dusting and vacuuming. Some people actually enjoy this, I hear.

5. Rounding up and bagging up the trash. I will be the Final Abiter of what is and is not trash.

6. Cleaning 3 bathrooms, only 1 of which sees regular use.

I think that's pretty much it. As I said, I can do all of that stuff myself. I'm not an invalid. But my doctor wants me to stay off my feet and shit still needs to get done.

So, submit your bids if you're intersested in earning a few bucks.

DISCLAIMER: The lowest bidder with the biggest tits who promises a "happy finish" will be given first priority in the formal review process.

5 comments:

Superdave said...

HAHAHAHA awesome

sue said...

XO - Sounds reasonable - for the right wages. But I do all of that at home on a daily basis. (-:

sue said...

...and, I might add, all for room and board, I drive a nice car, live in a nice home - and am allowed an occasional trip to Hobby Lobby.

Not a bad deal.

Joshua Xalpharis said...

Let's hope it does not involve a man tipping the scales at three hundred pounds and possessing nimble fingers.

You really should put a disclaimer when speaking on the subject of tits.

Xavier Onassis said...

JOSHUA! Where the fuck have you been?