My New Dream Ticket

OBAMA AND SEBELIUS IN '08













My original Dream Ticket was Bill Richardson for President with Obama as VP. You can read all of the reasons here.

But with Richardson dropping out of the race, that dream evaporated.

So this is my new ticket. I'm supporting Obama over Hillary because, as I've stated many times before, I don't think Hillary can win in the general election.

For the democrats to win the general election, they are going to need to attract independents and swing voters. There are moderate republicans out there who are sick of Bush, sick of the wars, and disillusioned with the direction their party has taken. Those moderate republicans are ready for a change and they might be ready to vote for Obama.

But those same moderate republicans would sooner scoop their own eyeballs out with a rusty spoon before they will see Hillary in the Oval Office and Bill Clinton wandering the halls of the White House with lots of time on his hands and the keys to the Lincoln Bedroom.

Look at all of the negative attention Bill has been getting as he campaigns for Hillary. That's bringing back a lot of bad memories for the folks who dislike him. He's doing more harm than good. He could do a lot more damage over the next year because he is genetically incapable of keeping his mouth shut and staying out of the spotlight. Hillary might be able to win the primary, but not the general.

The people in this country want change. And swapping a Bush for a Clinton, again, is not change.

Now, Kathleen Sebelius. Here is a woman who is a democratic governor of a republican state. Her father, John Gilligan, was the democratic governor of Ohio. Her father-in-law, Keith Sebelius, was the republican representative for Kansas' 1st congressional district from 1969 to 1981. So she has the skills to get along with both sides of the fence. This would make her a great running mate because before and after the election she could help forge alliances and make deals across the aisle as the President of the House of Representatives.

Plus, if you didn't notice, she's a woman. And she's a lot more likable than Hillary. That brings in the female vote.

Finally, here is my real genius advice.

Most presidential candidates don't announce cabinet appointments before they've won the election.

I think Obama should break with that tradition and announce very soon that IF elected, he will appoint Bill Richardson to be the new Secretary of State.

Bill Richardson had the stongest resume of any candidate running. But most importantly, Richardson has been recognized for negotiating the release of hostages, American servicemen, and political prisoners in North Korea, Iraq, and Cuba.

Let me repeat...North Korea, Iraq, and Cuba. He has demonstrated that he can talk to some of the bat-shit craziest dictators in the world and actually get results.

This is the guy we need as Secretary of State. This is the guy who can travel the world, talking to the heads of state, even (gasp!) talking to our enemies, to try and repair the damage that dubya and his crazy cronies have caused over the past 7 years.

Plus, he's Hispanic.

So between the 3 of them, you have a black man without the slavery/victim-baggage of previous black candidates, you have a strong, white woman with demonstrated leadership and compromising skills, you have a Hispanic man with a strong resume of leadership and negotiation.

We need all three of them, Obama, Sebelius and Richardson all out there as a team talking to voters for the next year explaining how they can put America back together, bring republicans and democrats together, and put our international relationships back together.

I think that would be one powerful team.

I'm Xavier Onassis and I approve this message.

It Ain't All Hearts, Flowers and Teddy Bears

You know the drill guys. Valentines Day is coming. If it hasn't happened already, sometime soon you are going to have an "Oh SHIT!" moment.

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your fucking brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for her more than any other.

Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that fucking much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat, unacustomed thought and, on average, half a fucking paycheck.

Another secret ladies; guys feel left out.

That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day".


Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all.

Just a Steak and a Blowjob.

Thats it.

Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.

Hey ladies, remember that old grade school tradition of giving a Valentine's Day card to every boy in your class?

You work with guys, right?

Why not give them a "Steak and Blowjob Day" card? I can guarantee you a newfound level of nerdy computer support, security walks to your car, and an increased interest in any words that come out of your mouth.

This is a win/win scenario.

[Any guy who reports you to HR for giving him a Steak & Blow Job card is gay!]


Steak and Blow Job Day was founded by Tom Birdsey (may God Bless his Brilliantly GENIUS Eternal Soul, Amen)

Some Soothing Sorbet

Here is a much shorter post to make up for the previous rambling and utterly pointless waste of time I posted yesterday.

Thanks to Keith.

Your Score: Hieroglyphics

You scored

You are Egyptian Hieroglyphics! Monumental, ornate and even in technicolour! Your users contributed virtually all ancient knowledge on inks, dyes and writing surfaces - to the point where the popular reed of Papyrus became the universal name for organic, manufactured writing surfaces in the western hemisphere for thousands of years. Proud, upstanding and dignified.

Link: The Which Ancient Language Are You Test written by imipak on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(imipak)

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Ideogramatic

You scored higher than 99% on Syllablic

You scored higher than 99% on Logogramic

You scored higher than 99% on Alphabetic

An Interesting Day

The other day, I was accused by emaw of being a "gaddamn hippy". Nightmare was a bit more forceful, lumping me in with the "fucking Commies".

At the risk of proving them both right and earning their eternal ridicule (pretty sure the ship has already sailed on that one), I did something yesterday I've never done before.

I attended my first drumming circle.


Now, before you start flaming me with comments, I want to make a few points.

First, although I plead guilty to being an old recovering hippy, I am NOT into a bunch of New Age, Wiccan, Vegan, PETA, tofu-eating crap. I'm a secular rationalist and I like my meat and potatos. The only reason I joined a drumming circle was because I miss playing my drums.


My short stint in a garage band ended over 5 years ago (because I started banging our lead singer...yes, she was female...and when we broke up things went all Yoko Ono), and since moving into a townhouse where I have a neighbor on the other side of the wall, my drums have been packed away. I was losing my chops and needed an outlet. Since Carlos Santana refuses to return my calls (and has a restraining order against me), I had to do something.

Second, this isn't some white, suburban drumming circle with a lot of male hugging and metaphysical mumbo jumbo. For your information, this session was held at the home of the founder of the circle south of 75th St. between Prospect and The Paseo.

That is what Gloria Squitiro would call "the black part of town".

Okay, out of the maybe 16 people there, one of them was black. But still.

Third, it was fun. It was about two thirds over by the time I got there. I didn't bring all of my drummage because I was apprehensive and self conscious. The last time I played in public was at an open jam at Knucklehead's a couple of years ago. Glad I didn't bring it all! It would have taken 3 trips uphill to get it all from my vehicle to the house.

The other folks in the drumming circle?

Well, let me put it this way. No one looked out of place. Except me, the black guy, and Ricky Ricardo. Other than that, close your eyes, imagine what you would expect to see at a drumming circle, and most of those people were there.

The most common drum present was the djembe.



There were a few doumbeks.


Ricky Ricardo had a small conga slung over his shoulder.


The Black Guy had a couple of congas, and I just brought my TOCA bongos.

The place looked like a fucking Miami pawn shop.

But it was fun to get a chance to play and I will probably continue participating until someone gives me a better offer.

After the hippy drumming love-fest, I went to the Nelson-Atkins to wander around and take a few pics.

Someone had taken it upon themselves to do a little impromptu guerilla sculpting using the material at hand.


You would think they could have slipped a starving art student a couple of bucks to shovel the fucking snow.



I took this pic of the exterior of "The Lenses".



This unique, opaque, glassy substance really is incredible. From inside and outside. Go. See!

After the Nelson, I hit Independence Avenue to head back home on "the scenic route".

I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything all day long!

I had decided that I would stop at the taco truck on Independence Avenue and get something.

Much to my dismay, the truck was surrounded by Mexicans! Who could have seen that coming?!

They looked at me like I was an INS agent and started to wander off.

I didn't take any pictures of this because I didn't want to get my ass kicked.

I thought that the taco-truck guy would be serving up some authentic Mexican street cuisine that I couldn't get anywhere else. But I saw him spooning some stuff from his propane heated cart into some styrofoam cups.

What Mexican food gets dished out into styrofoam cups?!?

I decided that my delicate digestive system wasn't quite ready for mystery Mexican food, so I skipped the taco truck.

On the way home I swung by William Chrisman H.S. where Bill Clinton was scheduled to speak at 7:00.

I thought I might get some pics of Secret Service guys, black limosines and maybe even Bill himself.

I got there about 5:30.


The media were already there in force!

KMBCs Mike Mahoney was there getting his smoke on.


The media seemed to be very excited. They all had their masts fully extended for Bill.



I decided I really didn't have the stamina to wade through the crowds, the security, the cost and the wait. Plus, I'm voting for Obama so what the fuck do I care.


I needed something to eat!

I decided to stop by Lucia's Taquera on the way home.


It's a tiny little dive, but the parking lot is always full and that's generally a good sign.

As hungry as I was, I really didn't want anything heavy, so I just went for the 3 tacos.


They were good and unique. They seemed to be in a double shell with something like parmesan cheese sprinkled between them. Interesting. It's a really, really small place where the customers are mostly regulars and the staff seems to know everyone.


I think I'll stop by again and see what else they've got.

So that was my Saturday.

Today I'm going to rescue the girlfriend from her working overtime hell and take her out to lunch and a movie (There Will Be Blood).

Later, my peeps!

Vote For God!

I poached this from Joe's Big Blog who gives his own provenance for the original material.

"Dear Dr. Laura,


Thank you so much for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law.

I have learned a great deal from your show and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.

End of debate!

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

A) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

B) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day & age, what would be a fair market price for her?

C) I know I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

D) Leviticus 25:44 states that I may own slaves, both male & female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

E) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

F) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree, can you settle this?

G) Leviticus 21:17-23 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wiggle room here?

H) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 20:19-27. How should they die?

I) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

J) My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton & polyester blend). He tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16). Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.”

Gotta luv The Bible!

Vote Huckabee!



Vote Romney!

The Fallacy of Borders

Look carefully at this picture...

Do you see any "borders"?

Of course not. Because they don't exist. They aren't real. We just make this shit up as we go along. This is one big planet and we all live here together.

When I was born there were only 48 states.



Alaska and Hawaii aren't a natural part of The United States. Neither are Arizona and New Mexico. Or Texas. Or the Louisiana Purchase. Or even the original 13 colonies. This is all land that we bought or took by force from someone else. We don't have any divine right to this land anymore than Isreal has to the land that it claims for its own.

Virtually all of the problems we face in the Middle East today are due to arbitrary countries created out of thin air by the British after WWI or by the Jews after WWII, or by our greed for oil and policy of pitting one against the other for our benefit.




Borders are made up things by politicians and lawyers. They don't actually exist as real things.

So the whole idea of "securing our borders" as a righteous obligation is bullshit.

The whole concept of The United States of America as being some sort of land grant by God Almighty to Christian, English speaking, Northern Europeans is a bunch of crap! It is a fiction that we made up to justify our criminal presence here.

If we abritrarily, or militarily extend our borders into an area that contains people from another country (as we most recently did in New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, Indian Territory [now known as western Oklahoma], Alaska and Hawaii) we should not pretend to be shocked that our "new land" contains people from other countries that might not want to be assimilated as quickly as we would like.

The NCLR is full of shit.

The Minutemen are full of shit.

I favor the gradual but inevitable elimination of all national boundries and the creation of One Secular World Government. One Secular Terra. One Secular Constitution. One Secular Rule of Law. One Secular International Bill Of Rights. One Citizenship. One economy. One currency. One Vote.

Regional religions are subserviant to local secular laws. No exceptions.

Jerusalem and a surrounding 100 mile perimeter are declared a "United Nations Abrahamic Cultural Protectorate" administered and defended by UN Blue Helmets. Violence-free access to all is guaranteed at all times.

The parts of Iraq that are working today, are working because we are talking and paying instead of fighting and killing.

We can do this. Seriously.

But it requires people of all faiths to put their supersticious BS on the back burner and concentrate on social justice for everyone.

Believe whatever you want! Just keep that shit to yourself and focus on what's good for evereyone.

Painfully Embarassing

This just speaks for itself.

"Holy Brokeback Batman!"

The Joker is dead!



Heath Ledger was found dead in a Manhattan apartment this afternoon surrounded by prescription and non prescription pills.

Suicide?

Jeez...ya think?

Him - 28, famous, hot, successful, apparently suicidal, definitely dead.

Me - 52, obscure, pale and flabby, woefully underpaid, living paycheck to paycheck, mostly happy and alive.

I'm all good with me.

"I Got Blisters On Me Dick!"

This cry could be heard emminating from a westside basement and echoing throughout the downtown canyon today as Tony was stroking himself fast and furiously over the resignation of Frances Semler and, more importantly to Tony, the 97 (at last count) comments he recieved (most of them anonymous and quite possibly left by Tony himself) on his triumphant and self-congratulatory post announcing the resignation.

My friend Dan over at Gone Mild had less to say about it himself but also got quite a few comments. You can read about it at the Star and all of the major local news outlets.

Personally, I could give a shit.

Immigration, illegal or otherwise, just isn't that big an issue for me. The "native americans" were immigrants. They crossed over the frozen land bridge from Siberia 10,000 years ago chasing mastadons. The European "explorers" were immigrants. They sure as fuck didn't come peacefully or with the blessing of the "native americans". The Europeans who settled here didn't want the Irish. The Irish didn't want the Chinese. Everyone who came here was taking something away from someone who was already here.

Wah. Wah. Wah.

I keep hearing how "the illegals" are taking jobs from Americans. I see apparent latinos (I don't know where they are from or what their legal status is...do you?) working their ASSES OFF! I see apparently able bodied Americans holding humiliating cardboard signs at intersections and asking people for a down payment on a cheeseburger.

You really want to stop the "invasion" from Mexico? Grab those worthless white fucks standing at every corner of I-435 and Independence Avenue, 47th and Main, and everywhere else throughout the metro holding signs saying "homeless...will work for food", trying to look as pathetic as possible, and put them to work for money! Let them replace roofs in August, let them run a leaf blower, let them change jizz soaked sheets at Motel 6.

Go to Restart, Inc. or the Kansas City Public Library on a cold day and round up all the vagrants and put them to work doing all of the jobs that the immigrants are doing.

Fill the demand with Americans, and the supply from other places will go away.

Personally, I think we should just open up the northern and southern borders and just have one big North American Union!

The United States, Canada, Mexico, all one big, happy economic powerhouse! The European Union has the Euro. The North American Union could have the Neuro (okay, it's not really a valid acronym, but it makes us sound really smart).

Then we could finally forget about this irrational fear of Messicans and concentrate on the REAL problem.

Those goddamned Guatamalens.

io9

I found a link to this site over on Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy site. The only description they apply to themselves is "strung out on science fiction". If it has anything at all to do with science fiction or real science that sounds like science fiction, they probably have something to say about it.

As soon as I saw the Steampunk Justice League of America, I was hooked.

Cloverfield

Went to see Cloverfield yesterday with some douche nozzles I used to work with. Hadn't seen any of them in at least a year and it's been probably two and a half years since all four of us were together.

We used to be smoke buddies and we had lunch at Hooters ever Friday. There would be the occasional poker game or party. One of the guys quit the company to strike off on his own. I got "force managed" out the door. We still email jokes and quips from time to time, but this was the first time we've gotten together for anything in a long time. It was fun!

Anyway... the movie.

Well, first of all, there were the previews.

I got MAJOR WOOD when they played the trailer for Iron Man!


I've watched it many times on the computer but that was the first time I've seen it on the Big Screen. Great Googly Moogly!! Iron Man is The Shit! That movie is going to rawk!!

And if that wasn't enough, we also got to see the teaser for J.J. Abrams reboot of the Star Trek franchise. Here it is in craptastic YouTube.



It looks a whole lot better in the theatre. Iron Man and Star Trek...that's worth the price of admission right there.

Oh yeah...Cloverfield.

It was good. Big mysterious monster attacks New York, havoc ensues. There is no music soundtrack...this is "found footage" taken on a hand held video camera. This isn't the story of the scientists and the military trying to figure out what it is and what to do about it. This is the story of people on the ground just trying to help their friends and stay alive while all of the shit is going down. Needless to say the camera work is every bit as hectic and jerky as you would expect it to be. Very Blair Witchy. Took some time to adjust. Some won't be able to adjust and may get nauseous or get a bad headache.

You mostly only get quick glimpses of the monster as it moves between the buildings. There is a good closeup and a money shot of the entire beasty towards the end, so you don't get entirely cheated.

You have no idea what this monster looks like until you see the movie. Yeah, I know you THINK you do, but you really don't. I've been googling the shit out of it for days and it's just not out there. Still not out there today. I just checked. How Abrams and crew have been able to keep this under wraps, even after the release is beyond me.

Hud, the guy behind the camera, has the best lines. Especially in the subway tunnel.

So, I don't know if I can recommend this movie or not. Depends on how much you like big giant monster movies and your tolerance for herky-jerky camera work.

But you can always go to see the Iron Man and Star Trek previews and then leave if you start to get motion sick.

R.I.P. Allan Melvin

You probably have no idea who Allan Melvin is.

That is the greatest compliment you can pay to a true character actor.

But you know his face.







He was a Kansas City native. Born here on February 18, 1922.

Check out his resume on the Internet Movie Database. Half a century of work, but know one recognizes his name or knows anything about him.

THAT is a REAL actor. Not "movie star", not a "personality". Just a real, working, craftsman.

We could use a lot more Allan Melvins and a lot fewer Tom Cruises and Britney Sprears.

In my humble opinion.

Peeing for $

I get a lot of forwarded rants about how the country is going to hell in a handbasket and how I should "forward this email", yada, yada, yada.

Most of the time, what they consider the deterioration of our country I consider progress so I just ignore them. But today I got one that made me scratch my head and go "Hmmmm?" Here it is:

"Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ASS, doing drugs, while I work. . . Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't. Hope you all will pass it along, though . . . Something has to change in this country -- and soon!"

Okay, rhetoric and hyperbole aside, the core idea ain't all that bad.

I'm not saying that we just slam the door on anyone who can't pass a urine test. But I don't think it would be unreasonable to make it a condition that anyone who failed a urine test must be enrolled in a treatment program in order to receive assistance. I'm even OK with tax dollars paying for the treatment program. If they failed to complete the treatment program sucessfully, then assistance could be substantially reduced or eliminated.

What do you think? Did I just lose my bleeding heart liberal street cred?

Or is this a reasonable idea to help people get on their feet and stay there?

More Fun With Memes

Okay. I think most memes are pretty lame. Seriously. I generally view them as obligatory homework. Sort of a bloggers social lubricant (ewwww).

But I saw this over at Mushroom Cloud in the Midwest (glad she is doing better!) and it really looked like fun. And I rarely say that about memes.

I'm starting this post before I've actually completed the steps just because.

Here is the deal.

"You are about to have your own band’s CD cover. Follow these directions to the letter.

Go to……

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Or on your own blog. I'm easy."

So, here is my debut CD:



Looks like jazz to me.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sometimes, the simplest solution is the best one

No way!

Medical examiner says Ike Turner died of cocaine overdose

"(CNN) -- Musician Ike Turner died of a cocaine overdose, the San Diego County Medical Examiner's Office said Wednesday.

"The cause of death for Ike Turner is cocaine toxicity with other significant conditions," Supervising Medical Examiner Investigator Paul Parker told CNN."

SHOCKING!!

Republican Terrorists

Ex- Lawmaker Charged in Terror Conspiracy

"WASHINGTON - A former congressman and delegate to the United Nations was indicted Wednesday on charges of working for an alleged terrorist fundraising ring that sent more than $130,000 to an al-Qaida supporter who has threatened U.S. and international troops in Afghanistan.

Mark Deli Siljander, a Michigan Republican when he was in the House, was charged with money laundering, conspiracy and obstructing justice for allegedly lying about being hired to lobby senators on behalf of an Islamic charity that authorities said was secretly sending funds to terrorists."

Yeah.

Republicans will keep us safe from Islamic extremists.

Unless they can make a few quick bucks on the side by selling us out to line their own pockets.

Get TKCs autograph at the next Blog Meat!

OK. Tony will not be at the next (or any other) Blog Meat. He thinks we are all loser d-bags and we are destroying blogging in Kansas City. I'm sure he's right.

But I love the pic that I poached from Heycameraman.net.

Cafe al Dente, in the River Market at Fourth & Delaware, Kansas City, Mo
Thursday January 17th 2008
5pm-?

Doubting Faith clip on YouTube

I'm so proud

	I received 93 credits on The Sci Fi Sounds Quiz How much of a Sci-Fi geek are you?
Take the Sci-Fi Movie Quiz cheap digital camera

What a Pleasant Surprise!

I had a most unexpected and delightful lunch today. But it requires a bit of background.

I married for the first time in May of 1987. SuzyQ and I both started work for the same company in July of 1985 and met in the orientation/training class for new employees. SuzyQ was dating a male model at the time who had had his sweat glands removed so as not to interfere with his modeling career. I remember wondering at the time if he had to pant like a dog on hot days to keep cool. But I digress.

I always refer to this as my "starter marriage". Ya know, like that first starter home you bought.

We lived like room mates. We kept everything separate. No joint accounts, no entanglements other than the marriage itself. No demon seed was spawned. In fact, we used to joke that if she ever did get pregnant she would require an epidural from the time the test came back positive until the kid had graduated from college.

I think that on some deep level, we both knew it wouldn't last. I have no doubt that I loved her and I'm sure she loved me. I mean, c'mon! Who doesn't? Right? I am one irresistible and charming sonofabitch!

But she got promoted before I did, she was more ambitious than I was. She was offered and accepted a job at company HQ in New Jersey. I became a very unhappy trailing spouse. I didn't want to move to NJ. I never liked living in NJ. I'm a midwestern kinda guy.

My unhappiness created problems in the marriage. We divorced in July of 1991. It was the textbook model of an amicable divorce. All of the finances were already separate. There were no children. There was no real hostility or animosity. It was as painless as it could possibly be.

Actually, in retrospect, I was just an immature, whiney little bitch. Fact of the matter is, that time spent in NJ launched my professional career. I was just a loser before that. Now, some 20 years later, I'm a loser with SKILLZ!! I would not be where I am today without that first marriage and that time in NJ. Thanks, SuzyQ!!

By February of 1992 I had bullshitted my way into a previously non-existent job that I totally made up and got myself transferred back home.

SuzyQ and I drifted apart and mostly lost contact. But we shared a mutual friend, Sonja, who had worked with us.


In fact, Sonja is the only person (other than me) who was in attendance at both of my weddings.

Both marriages ended in divorce.

I blame Sonja. I think Sonja is a fucking jinx.

The last time I saw SuzyQ was probably in 1994. I had remarried and my daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis, was born in February of that year. SuzyQ and Sonja came out and had dinner with me, TED and GTO.

Over the years of the second marriage, I mostly lost touch with both Sonja and SuzyQ.

Then, shortly before last Christmas, Sonja sent me a Christmas greeting. I found out later that she was cleaning up her email list. If she didn't get a response from me, she was deleting me. Luckily, I did respond and we got all caught up.

A bit later, Sonja said that SuzyQ wanted to know if it would be OK for her to email me. Sure! No problem!

She did and we exchanged some very pleasant emails reminiscing about good times and fond memories. There was talk about me, Sonja and SuzyQ getting together for lunch. They kinda left the ball in my court.

I was a little bit hesitant because of the weight I've put on since quitting smoking. Seeing an ex after many years is like going to your class reunion. You want to make an impression.

But after talking on the phone with the ex last night for the first time in over a decade, I decided "Ah, what the fuck!" It's not like I'm trying to get into her pants. What the fuck do I care? So I suggested lunch on Friday at Niecies.


I'd heard wonderful things about it for years, but had never eaten there.

Because of the short notice, she wasn't sure. She'd let me know today.

This morning I get an email letting me know that not only was lunch a go, but she was bringing her parents, Carlito and Venezuela, my former in-laws who I hadn't seen in probably 20 years!


So out of the blue, I find myself sitting in a restaurant booth at 59th and Prospect having lunch with my first wife and my first in-laws. It was surreal.

If you had tried to tell me 6 months ago that I would be doing this I'd have thrown you up against the wall and frisked you for crack pipes.


Turns out it was one of the most pleasant, enjoyable and relaxed lunches I have had in a long time. I think I was more relaxed around her folks today than I ever remember being when we were married.

We had a delicious lunch. Me, Carlito and SuzyQ had tenderloin sandwiches with fries. I'm of the opinion that you can judge a diner pretty quickly by trying the tenderloins. Ours were great! The MIL had a pancake, eggs and grits.

No one ordered the Pig Ear Sandwich.


Maybe next time.

We talked, we laughed, we remembered. It was just a really, really nice get together. It didn't feel like it had been decades since we had seen each other. It didn't feel awkward at all. It felt like we just get together every Friday and have lunch together.

Very cool.

Blog Meat!

Next KC Bloggers / Commenters / Lurkers Gathering:

Cafe al Dente
412 Delaware St
Kansas City, MO 64105
816-472-9444



Thursday January 17th 2008

5pm till ???.

Tony will be there.

Seriously.

He shows up at all of the blogger meets.

He likes to buy drinks for everyone.

That's just the way he rolls.