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DO YOU SMELL SOMETHING?? I DEFINITELY SMELL SOMETHING.

Note the picture below:

Looks like a big chocolate heart
+
Is actually a huge, steaming pile of shit
___________________________

= The Bush Administration.

A brief summary of my initial response to the 2006 State Of The Union Address.

PHILL KLINE AND UNDER-AGE KANSAS GIRLS

Is it just me? Or does this guy spend WAY too much time dwelling on young, corn-fed, Kansas girls having sex? He just can't seem to get the thoughts out of his head!

http://www.kctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=4429332

Maybe HE should be strapped with a GPS unit so we can can keep track of HIM.

Frankly, his obsession with teenage sex kinda gives me the creeps.

This guy is just REPRESSED! This is what happens when you join the Republican Party and decide you want to be President while you are still in your teens and stifle your sexual development. All that shit starts "backing up" and causes your brain to start swelling or something.

That's why Clinton was such a clear-headed, good President. He knew that the ONLY reason for accumulating that much power was so he could get a little head.

Presidents NEED good head! You can't be The Leader Of The Free World without having some RELEASE somewhere! And God knows they aren't going to get it from any woman icey-cold enough to put up with their calculating, glad-handing, cheating, back-slapping asses for 20+ years!

BORED KANSANS

My god. Just how much free time do Kansans have? Are their heads so free of any sort of intellectual capacity or critical reasoning that they can really get worked up about a crossing guard who waves at them and smiles??

http://www.thekansascitychannel.com/news/6586783/detail.html

MY FIRST CUSS WORD

This happened when I was about 6 years old, back in Coffeyville, KS.

Me and some friends were out in the yard, getting ready to play baseball.

We were arguing over who would be the pitcher.

Hearing the raised voices, my dad came out to see what the problem was.

I thought he was coming out to play with us, so I pointed at him and yelled to my buddys "I know! Let's let that sonofabitch pitch!"

Have no idea where I picked it up from. Must have thought it was a term of endearment. Or baseball slang. Who knows.

I'm 50 years old now and my ass still hurts.

Try to avoid calling your dad a sonofabitch.

[In true memoir form, this story has been embellished. Just like that guy on Oprah. Neither I nor anyone in my family can remember whether I got an ass whoopin' or if he just fell down laughing. But the "lesson of redemption" here is, "Don't call your dad a sonofabitch". It's not very nice, and if HE doesn't go all "Chuck Norris" on you, your grandmother will. And nobody wants to be on the business end of a roundhouse kick in the face from their grandmother. End of lesson.]

BUSH, THE NSA AND YOU

Americans are idiots. They watch too much TV...too much "Law and Order, Alphabet Soup" (BTW, gettin' me a 52" DLP HD Toshiba pretty soon!! Full Surround Sound with a sub-woofer and everything!! Yippee!! But I digress...).

Americans are the most gullible, hypocritical people on the planet!

Here is what the average American thinks is going on with the "Terrorist Survielance Program" (i.e. spying on Americans).

Osama picks up the phone and calls an operative in America. An alarm goes off at the NSA! Some patriotic, clean-cut, CSI-type agent sitting at a desk that looks like a station on the Starship Enterprise (or his local "Triple Action Weather" desk) says "We've got movement!", puts on a headset and listens to the call, carefully noting any threats to America and alerting the President, who immediately mobilizes forces to protect Americans.

BULL SHIT!! That never, ever happens! The NSA doesn't work that way!

Here is what REALLY happens.

The NSA monitors ALL electronic communications EVERYWHERE in the world, ALL THE TIME! Everything! Phone calls, emails, web pages, blogs, EVERYTHING! They intercept it with satellites and they have rooms full of supercomputers that analyze all of this traffic looking for key words and phrases. Like HIJACK or BOMB or NEW YORK.

So if you make a phone call and talk to someone (here or overseas...doesn't matter. England or Syria, doesn't matter) and you say "Hi Jack! Did you see the Today Show broadcasting from New York this morning? Katie Couric is da BOMB!" You just set off 3 alarms at the NSA.

They will then analyze your call, investigate both parties to see if there is anything "suspicious" in your background. They'll look at your credit report. They'll look at your employment history. They'll look at your criminal record. They'll look at your utility bills. They will look at your Pay Per View history from your cable company. They'll look at which porn sites you visited on your computer. They'll look at who you emailed and when and they will investigate THOSE people. They will look at any publically available information (and there is a LOT! More and more everyday! More than you ever DREAMED possible!) for "patterns". Patterns that THEY think might be suspicious or subversive. It's called "Data Mining".

All, without a warrant. No judge. No oversight. No "Reasonable Cause". Nothing.

This is what Bush means when he says he doesn't want to let "The Enemy" know what we are doing. He wants "The Enemy" to think we know who they are and we are WATCHING THEM. We don't. We truly don't.

What he's doing (and doesn't want "The Enemy" to know) is that it's a crap-shoot. He's watching everyone, all of the time, in the hopes of MAYBE stumbling across a possible "Evil-Doer". In the process, he is gathering A LOT of information on innocent Americans going about their normal, porn-filled, pot-smoking, whiskey-drinking, un-capitalistic ways.

This is the GOD'S HONEST TRUTH! If Osama himself picked up a pay phone in Pakistan, called someone in the US and said "Had a wonderful time in Rome. Looking forward to coming back home to Lathrop and milking the cows.", he could be setting up the next attack in code and the NSA would NEVER FIND IT.

This is EXACTLY why the FISA act of 1978 was put in place. And it is EXACTLY why this administration decided to just IGNORE that act.

But, what can you expect? A citizenry who believes that "Intelligent Design" is on an equal footing with Evoloution; a citizenry who believes that barely squeaking through a Supreme Court decision on an election constitutes a "mandate"; a citizenry who believes that anything a President does MUST be legal because, ya know, he's the President!

God help us! We have gone from being a Beacon Of Hope (most of the last 200 years) to being The Laughing Stock Of The World (the first Dubya administration) to being The Most Hated Nation On Earth (the second Dubya administration).

I don't know how the Right Wing sleeps at night. I truly don't.

Hip Suburban White Guy

PROPER PRONUNCIATION

Why is it that when Latino broadcasters (like a ceretain hottie on KMBC) pronounce a spanish name or word, they feel compelled to wind up and give it the full blown spanish pronunciation and dialect?

Why??

You never hear anyone putting on the proper french pronunciation when they say "rendevouz".

They don't trot out the greek pronunciation of "apocolyptic". Or geman for "kindergarten". Native American for "Wichita" or "Kansas".

Why is this special treatment only reserved for spanish derived words?

The english language is an amalgam of many different languages. Can you imagine what it would sound like if people tried to wrap their tounges around the proper pronunciation of every word in a sentence like "I dropped my child off at the kindergarten in the hadassah right before my apocolyptic rendevouz in Wichita with Hosni Mubarak".

I mean, c'mon!!! What is the deal?? Someone please explain it to me. 'Cause it really bugs the shit out of me.