Motivational Posters. Ya know, for the office.

Many more here.

Holy Fuck, that was sad...

Just saw the reunited Sex Pistols performing on Jay Leno.

This was them then...



This is them now...



Can you say "VEGAS"?

Can you say "BRANSON"?

They should change their name to "The Coitus Armaments".

Happy Halloween!

For the love of penguins

This is for Keith and Janet.



Don't ask!

10 Reasons Why The United States is on the downhill side of World History

We are facing a Perfect Storm.



1. FOOD SUPPLY CATASTROPHE - Colony Collapse Disorder. The honey bees that pollinate our crops are dying off in huge numbers. We no longer rely on random pollination by whatever honey bees happen to be in the crop area. Farmers hire professional, itinerate apiculturists (beekeepers) to bring in huge numbers of bees to pollinate the crops. This is a $15 billion dollar a year business. But the bees are either dying off or abandoning their colonies. We are only beginning to understand why. Some commercial migratory beekeepers have reported losses ranging from 30% to 90% with remaining populations being weakened to the point of near death.
No bees mean no domestic crops. No domestic crop means more reliance on imported crops and MUCH higher prices.

Imagine the impact on gas prices if oil reserves suddenly dropped by 30% TO 90% and no one knew why. Expect the same impact on fruits and vegetables.


2. LABOR SHORTAGE CATSATROPHE - "Lou Dobbs Syndrome". Like it or not, our economy relies on workers (from Mexico, Central America, South America, Guam, all over) crossing the Mexican border illegally to work in our fields, on our roofs, in the construction industry, in our yards and all of the other places that even the poorest white trailer trash think they are "too good" for.

In our post 9/11 border security hysteria, we are going to put in place "safeguards" to keep these critical economical engines out of our country. Not only will we have fewer crops to harvest (see Number 1 above), but we won't have anyone willing to water and harvest what few crops we can still grow. This will drive prices up even higher.

Prices of fruits, vegetables and new homes will skyrocket.


3. WORLD WIDE MORTGAGE CRISIS - Sub prime Lending Meltdown.

"In a worst case scenario, the wave of anticipated defaults on sub prime mortgages and tighter lending standards could combine to drive down home values. That could make all homeowners feel a little less wealthy, contributing to a gradual decline in their spending. Less consumer spending eventually weakens the economy, prompting companies to start laying off workers in a vicious cycle that causes households to become even more frugal."

It gets worse.

When you sign a mortgage loan with a lender, that lender pockets the profits, and then they turn around (within hours) and sell your "risk" to someone else. Those "risks" are purchased in bulk by large mutual funds. Those mutual funds are purchased in bulk by foreign investors...like China. Those mutual funds make up the bulk of your 401k.

When people start defaulting on those sub prime, risky, APR loans, you start losing your retirement money. Making you more reliant on Social Security and Medicare. Possibly even solely reliant on government subsidence.

With the price of new homes skyrocketing due to a shortage of labor (see Number 2), and credit tightening due to the sub prime mortgage collapse, home ownership will plummet.

A decline in home ownership results in a nationwide reduction in the tax base translating to a reduction in government revenues at the federal, state, county and city levels.

Without that revenue the schools, fire, police, and general infrastructure revenues dwindle to nothing. Our cities and neighborhoods start to collapse around us.


4. OIL - $90 a barrel and climbing. We will see triple digit figures for barrels of crude before Dubya leaves office. Especially after he conducts an air strike on Iran's "nuclear facilities". Oh shut up! You know he will! Before this decade is out, we will see anywhere between $5-$10 a gallon for regular gas at the pump. It could easily cost you $150.00 to fill up your economy car. $200.00 to $250.00 and up for your F-150 or Hummer. You may as well wrap your lips around some Iranian dick and start sucking. How's that taste? Kinda like dates and goats?


5. HEALTH CARE - Every other industrialized, civilized country in the world has a Universal Health Care system. EVERY ONE! Not us. You only get health care insurance in this country if you have a job and can afford to divert a percentage of your income into the shared risk kitty.

No job? No income? Get sick? You're gonna die and no one cares.

An entire, multi-billion dollar industry is built around preying upon and profiting from people who just want to stay alive, live life and be productive citizens.

Bizarrely, staying healthy and productive and paying taxes in the richest, most technologically advanced civilization the world has ever known is not a given. It is a "privilege" reserved for only those wealthiest citizens who can afford the "luxury" of Good Health.

That is a barbaric, antiquated system that needs to change.

If The United States of America wants to portray itself as The Best and Most Advanced Pinnacle of Modern Civilization, then it shouldn't allow ANY CITIZEN to go without the best medical care that our modern science can provide.


6. OLD BABY BOOMERS - Because of the all of the above issues, you are going to have a WHOLE LOT of PISSED OFF old people who worked hard, invested in their retirements, tried to do the right things to make themselves self reliant and now find themselves with no 401k, no personal savings, no home equity and who are completely reliant on Social Security and Medicare. For any one under the age of 62, that means YOU will be supporting ME! Sorry, but that's the way they set it up back in the '40's and no one since has had the balls to change it.

Sucks to be you. Sucks to be me, too.

YOU will be paying for our housing, our transportation, our food, our recreation, our medical care and our diapers.


7. MILITARY EXHAUSTION - During the Cold War, our military doctrine had always required a military strong enough to fight a war on two fronts. Anticipating the Soviet Union in Europe and Red China in Asia. With a National Guard held in reserve for domestic defense.

Well, we are fighting two wars (Afghanistan and Iraq) and we have no domestic reserve left because we are using the National Guard and mercenaries to fight wars that we can't afford.

This has left us with a limp military dick. We are exhausted. We cannot go anywhere else and everyone knows it.

Sure, we could lob a load or two at Iran. But it would just piss them off, further destabilize the Middle East, cause the increase in the price of oil to go into warp speed and alienate even more of our allies. And we couldn't back it up with any boots on the ground because we don't have any left.

It is time to bring our troops home, invest in some new unmanned technology, heal our brave men and women, and rethink our global strategy.

In the meantime, everyone in Washington needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP and quit making threats that everyone knows we can't back up.


8. INCREASE IN TERRORISM - Our "War on Terror" has been a fucking disaster. Yes, there were terrorists before 9/11. Yes, we were right in pursuing said terrorists into their al Qaeda training camps in Afghanistan.

But there were no terrorists...repeat after me...NO TERRORISTS inside Iraq before we got there!

Why?

Because Saddam was a fucking ruthless dictator who didn't tolerate any terrorists!!

Now that we have overthrown Saddam and established "democracy", the place is completely overrun with terrorists who are daily honing their skills against the American Military Presence.

Something they never could have done before but can now. Because we weren't there before. Now we are.

We have handed "The Terrorists" everything they ever wanted on a Silver Platter.

We have been indirectly manufacturing highly trained, highly motivated suicide bombers and terrorists since the day we set foot in the middle-east.

We have done nothing in the past 6 years but increase and validate the reasons why people hate us. We haven't made any new friends. We have barely managed to hold on to what few friends we had. The few friends who still stick with us are only in it for the money. If the previous seven scenarios play out, we can kiss those friends goodbye too.

9. CHINA - China is the new Super Power. China WILL rule the world. China has one fourth of the world's population. Go Google Hong Kong. Imagine all of China as a Hong-Kong-like economic engine. There have been recent domestic shortages of mundane items like concrete and drywall because China and India are sucking them up like nobody's business. The United States and every other country in the world will be learning Mandarin and wearing silk. Fuck La Raza. You want your kid to succeed in the world? Make them take Mandarin instead of Spanish.


10. STREET CRED - We have totally lost it. We have spent the last 6 years bullying, and blustering and blatantly lying to everyone else in the world.

They all know we are full of shit. No one believes us anymore. We have left ourselves completely impotent and irrelevant on the World Stage.

Like The Greeks, The Romans, The Arabs, The British, The French, we are an empire in decline.

We will soon awaken to a world where we are the Blair-like lap-dog to the Chinese Interests which will drive our reality.

All civilizations collapse and are replaced by other civilizations. It has always been thus.

Americans (especially fundy, neocon faith-based Americans) seem to think that we are The Penultimate Pinnacle of Civilization and that we will never fall because we have God on our side.

Wrong. Sorry.

Within just a few decades, possibly just two, we will be just another has-been empire, struggling to be taken seriously.

China, India and the European Union will be The New Triumvirate. The United States will be just a "voting member" that no one likes very much (mainly thanks to Dubya.). Whatever we vote for, everyone else will vote against. Just because. We will have the same clout and sway as Libya. The world already views Dubya on the same intellectual scale as Khadafi.

All empires fall, and we are clearly on the decline. We just can't seem to dig that whole fast or deep enough.

Cheney: Iran will not get nuclear weapon

I don't know how to tell you this Sparky, but what other sovereign nations will or won't do ain't up to you, for several reasons.

Reason #1: You are the VICE President of The United States of America; not the ACTUAL President of United States of America. Your job is to preside over The Senate, cast tie-breaking votes, attend the funerals of foreign dignitaries and inquire daily as to the health of The President. So shut the fuck up.

Reason #2: Through your evil, Rasputin-like influence over our gullible Charley McCarthey-like President, you have over-extended the American military to a dangerously thin level while denying and abdicating any responsibility or accountability to anyone. Everything you have done is illegal, immoral, unconstitutional, counter to the best interests of the United States and the world at large, and you will be held accountable.

Reason #3: The U.S was the first nation to create nuclear weapons. We were the first AND ONLY nation to use nuclear weapons to target and kill CIVILIANS. Not military targets. Civilians. Why did we target civilians? Because we wanted to terrorize the Japanese population to such an extent that the government would surrender. Being the first and only nuclear terrorists, we loose any moral authority to lecture other countries on what they can and cannot do. So again, shut the fuck up.

Insertion complete! Was it good for you?

I sold the last of my dining room furniture, moved the gas grill to the patio, shoved everything else against the walls and got my jeep into my garage!

My move is now COMPLETE!!

I'm so fucking happy!

My dining room table and chairs were adopted out to a good home.



Heather from General Blather graciously agreed to put them to good use hosting her family's Thanksgiving dinner. Her way-cool brother supplied some much appreciated muscle.

Transportation was supplied by Spyder cautiously driving her hubby's pick-'em up truck. For her efforts she received some gas money, a 30 year old, avocado green, electric fondue pot with a full set of matching fondue forks, compliments on her hair and a sincere hug of thanks.

DISCLAIMER: No bungholes were harmed during this transaction.

Sometimes, less is better

When you see a headline like this:

"Australian PM ambushed by bunnies"

accompanied by a picture like this


you know better than to click on the link.

It can only get less interesting.

Just relish in the headline and the photo.

I think I've always known this

You Are a Werewolf

You're unpredictable, moody, and downright freaky. You seem sweet and harmless, until you snap. Then you're a total monster. Very few people can predict if you're going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. But for you, all your transformations seem perfectly natural. Your greatest power: Your ability to tap into nature Your greatest weakness: Lack of self control You play well with: Vampires

What Kind of Monster Are You?

This picture was taken probably 35 years ago.



I blame Dick Smith and Rick Baker.



And this magazine.

Yes, there is a story involved and I've already blogged about it. Which just means I'm old enough to start repeating my stories.

I still occasionally howl at the moon. But rather than inspiring fear and awe, my feeble howls are more often met with a concerned "Do you need assistance? Would you like me to call someone? SOMEBODY CALL 911!!"

But it's not the Full Moon that triggers the transformation these days.

It's the ignorant JoCo fucktards yapping on their cell phones and reading newspapers when they should be concentrating on DRIVING while they are behind the wheel of a quarter ton of metal and glass hurtling down the highway at 70+ mph.

PAY ATTENTION, ASSHOLE!!!

See what I mean?

It's time for a long overdue....

RED STATE UPDATE!

Jackie Broyles: The Christianisty Candidate


Nascar Tips For Democrats


Halloween Memories

The New/Old Star Trek

There's a new Star Trek movie comin' atcha. This one is from J.J. Abrams and it completely recasts The Original Show characters with young hot actors and is a chronicle of the early days of James T. Kirk and his fellow USS Enterprise crew members during their time at Starfleet Academy.

Ya gotchyer Zoe Saldana as Uhura.




Ya gotchyer Anton Yelchin as Pavel Andreievich Chekov.




Ya gotchyer John Cho as Hikaru Sulu.




Ya gotchyer Simon Pegg as Montgomery Scott.




Ya gotchyer Karl Urban as Leonard McCoy.




Ya gotchyer Zachary Quinto as Spock (I can totally see those eyebrows doing the "Fascinating" thing).




And, (overly dramatic and totally useless [much like william shatner] drum roll) ya gotchyer Chris Pine as James Tiberius Kirk.



Some will see this as BLASPHEMY of the Highest Order.

I actually think it may work really well.

It will either reboot the franchise from the very beginning, paving the way for another potential four decades of sequals and spinoffs...or...it will drive a wooden stake and fire a silver bullet into the heart of the franchise and finally kill it off forever.

Either way, it will be interseting to watch.

Cheney's Law

OK, the graphic is funny but there is NOTHING funny about this Frontline program on PBS examining Dick Cheney and David Addington's influence on everything that has taken place over the last six and a half years. It's called "Cheney's Law".

This isn't conspiracy stuff, it's what actually happened. I'd challenge anyone to deny anything presented in this program with an actual, verifiable fact; i.e. not some Fox spin bullshit. Facts only, please.

Oh shit. I guess I need to define the word FACT. Conservative/Republican/Neo-con/Fundamentalist/Dominionists types wouldn't recognize a FACT if it bit them in their huge, flabby, lily-white asses.

"fact /fækt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fakt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact.
2. something known to exist or to have happened: Space travel is now a fact.
3. a truth known by actual experience or observation; something known to be true: Scientists gather facts about plant growth.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Origin: 1530–40; < L factum something done, deed, n. use of neut. of factus done, ptp. of facere to do1]

—Related forms
factful, adjective
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006."

An example of something that is NOT a fact would be anything preceeded by the words "Rush said".

Because I just can't get to Hell fast enough...

"Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian."

Just to put a big, bold exclamation point to my return to blogging, here is a link, (courtesy of Harry Nads) to Evilbible.com.

Here is a nice Index of what you can expect to find:

Home
Ritual Human Sacrifice
Rape in the Bible
Murder in the Bible
Slavery in the Bible
Evil Bible Quotes
Retard of the Month
Jesus Lied
God is Impossible
Top Ten List
Biblical Contradictions
Synthetic Life
Definition of Atheism
About EvilBible.com
Discussion Forum

I'm back, Bitches!

Well, the Goddamn move is finally over. After all of the packing and preparation last week, things kicked into high gear as soon as I signed the lease early Thursday afternoon. I showed up with a loaded jeep and started unpacking as soon as the deal was done.

It was mostly odds and ends, things that weren’t in boxes. Movers love to put shit in boxes and wrap stuff in plastic. But they charge you for all that equipment. I don’t need wardrobe boxes. Just pull that crap out of the closet, lay it down in the back of the jeep and off I go. I made trips like that all Thursday afternoon and all day on Friday. Friday night I finished up the packing.

Saturday is finally here and it’s pouring down rain.


The movers show up promptly at 8am and get busy. At this point, my job is mainly to stay the fuck out of the way and be available for questions. It starts off pretty quick. They make fast work of all of the boxes I had staged in the basement and garage. Then comes the furniture.

[FADE TO TRANSITION SEGUE AS CALENDER PAGES FLIP IN THE WIND, GOING BACK IN TIME] Towards what would turn out to be the end of my last marriage, my wife suggested that the living room furniture was getting old and should probably be replaced. She had already furnished the parlor with a flowery couch and a couple of chairs. So I went out in search of living room furniture. After very little shopping (men don’t fuck around), I found a set I liked and being a dutiful husband, I called the wife to describe it and ask if she’d like to come out and look at it. She declined, saying that it sounded fine and if I liked it I should get it. That’s when it dawned on me…I was buying my Divorce Furniture. She would be taking the flowery shit in the parlor and if I wanted anything to park my fat ass on, I’d better get it now or forever hold my peace.

I went for the leather. A huge, over-stuffed leather couch with a recliner at each end. This is a Real Man’s couch. The only thing missing was a pop-up fridge in the middle with a remote organizer and a blow job button. This couch doesn’t really like going through doors and such. Like its owner, it prefers to just remain right where it is. Everything about this couch screams SEDENTARY. So the movers had a real blast with the couch.

Then came the Matter of The Desk. As previously discussed, I have a huge cherry and brass desk that I purchased out in New Jersey during my first marriage. So it’s like 20 years old. The front edge of the desk has a well worn patina from two decades of sitting here, writing, working, playing various versions of Civilization and flight simulators, surfing for porn, and generally ignoring two wives. The desk is six feet wide and three feet deep. The thing is like an aircraft carrier. It has presidential presence.



OK, that's not my desk. That's JFK's desk. This is my desk.


I love it. I was convinced I wasn’t going to have room for it had resigned myself to selling it and getting one of those little computer workstations that would take up less space. Trelvix waved me off with a big DON’T DO IT! Like a Born Again Whore, he stepped in and prevented me from making the same mistake he did. Thanks Trelvix! Good save!

The desktop can be removed from the pedestal via several nearly inaccessible screws. The Desk slowed The Move to a crawl as each of the movers struggled with screws, cussed, and whined like little bitches. The biggest and strongest of the movers had two very large, brand new tattoos on the inside of his forearms. He was quite cranky about it. He would often wrap his forearms in Ace Bandages in an apparently futile attempt to ease the pain and irritation. Inserting his arm into the empty, yet tight and abrasive drawer-hole in an attempt to loosen and remove the last stubborn screw was really pissing him off.

The other mover, a weird little guy who kinda creeped me out, mentioned that he had already removed five screws. Thinking that a minimum of three screws should be adequate to secure a horizontal surface from horizontal movement, and remembering that I am paying these fuckers by the hour, I suggest that they just grab the desktop, strip that bastard off the sixth screw and get on with the actual moving part of the move. Three seconds later, we are back in motion.

Did I mention that it is still fucking raining and everything leaving the house is getting a right soaking before entering the truck?


Oh, and then there is The Dining Room Furniture. I have a beautiful, formal dining room set that I bought brand spanking new barely two years ago for about $1600.00. I’ve been trying to sell it because I just don’t have room for it.


But it’s nice stuff. Big, long, Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving table.


Six chairs and a big, lighted, mirror-backed, leaded-glass door, roll-top china cabinet, felt-lined drawers…just gorgeous. After weeks of craigslist postings, supermarket bulletin board flyers and flagrant whoring on my own blog, the price for the entire set had dropped to just $500.00 and I still couldn’t sell it!

I get a call about three quarters of the way through the move from someone who is interested in the hutch.


We had emailed earlier in the week and I told her I’d be willing to sell the hutch separately for $250.00. She is here in Liberty and wants to come by and “look” at it. I tell her “OK, but you better hurry or you will have to drive to Independence to see it. By the time she gets here, the movers are almost done. They saved the dining room furniture till last because if I can sell it, they don’t have to move it!

She and her husband finally get here and they are looking it over. They look, and look, and look. He “spans” some approximate measurements between his extended thumb and pinky, then he goes out to the van. He comes back in scratching his head, looking at the hutch and lifting the top. The movers are running out of things to move. I have to ask the couple “Are you absolutely sure you DON’T want the table and chairs”. They don’t. So the movers start moving the table and chairs while the couple is pondering the hutch. Then their daughter shows up. Then she leaves. Still don’t know why. The husband asks if I have a tape measure and I give him one. He determines that neither section of the hutch will fit in the van.

At this point, I am forced to explain “I’m sorry, normally I wouldn’t rush you or be this pushy, but I need to know with absolute certainty whether you want this hutch or not because I can’t take the risk of leaving it behind and then having you change your mind.” They finally reach a fucking decision and tell me they’ll take it. We agree that they can pay me half now to leave it at the house, I would get the rest of my stuff moved, then I would call them and meet them back here, collect the other half and they could take the hutch. Great! The biggest piece is SOLD and won’t be sitting in my garage!

But, they have to go to the bank. FUCK!! OK, fine. Go to the bank. If you don’t get back soon enough, I’ll call you and tell you where to meet me in Independence. They barely make it back in time with $140.00 in cash. Sweet!

(I cannot believe they didn’t try to get a better price! I mean, Jesus H. Christ! The movers are there, it’s the last piece of furniture, the clock is ticking, the pressure is on! Would I have come down a few dollars? FUCK YEAH! Would I have come down a lot? Absofuckinglutely! Idiots!)

So we head for Independence. It is still fucking raining!


We get there and they start unloading shit. I’m directing traffic. I had actually put signs up to number the bedrooms, which are all upstairs. “That goes in bedroom Number 1. That goes in the garage. That goes in bedroom Number 2. That goes in the garage. That goes in the garage too. So does that.”

The garage is filling up at a depressing rate. All of my bookcases and book boxes needed to go upstairs. The movers really didn’t like that very much. The Desk needed to go upstairs. They really fucking hated that. My cherry and brass dresser and mirror (which I also tried to sell and couldn’t) needed to go upstairs.

By the time they are done, I have WAY MORE SHIT in my garage than I had anticipated. No fucking way my jeep is getting in there anytime soon. The main culprit being the goddamned dining room table and six chairs!

$630.00 later, it’s time to go back and finish selling the hutch and get all of the “Oh, just leave that…we’ll come back and get that later” stuff. The sale of the hutch goes OK and that was a huge relief.

All of a sudden, the little, inconsequential “I’ll just come back and get that later” stuff is overwhelming! There is a ton of crap! Including all of the remaining lawn care stuff. The girl friend calls her boys to see if they are interested. At this point, anything they want is going for the Girl Friend Discount…which is FREE! Her middle son is interested and he shows up with a pickup truck, girlfriend and a buddy. So between five people and three vehicles we get the bulk of the remaining items out of the house.

At this point, I am the walking dead.


I’ve been running so hard for so long (stop it! Get your head out of the gutter!) that I can’t even think properly. I get back to my new home, order a pizza and try to set up any sort of audio/visual stimuli. I get the dvd/vhs player hooked up to the DLP HD TV. I think. I look through the box of DVDs and Armageddon is near the top. I pop it in and I get picture, but no sound. I fuck with the cables, I fuck with the Menu and Setup and I still get nothing.

The Pizza arrives. I ordered Hand Tossed crust, they gave me Thin Crust. Not a good first impression.

So I am sitting in my new home, surrounded by boxes, eating a pizza I didn’t order, watching Bruce Willis shoot a shotgun on an oil platform at Ben Affleck for boinking Liv Tyler, while listening to NPR having their Fall Pledge Drive on the radio.

It wasn’t as bad as it sounds. At least I wasn’t lifting anything or carrying anything up or down steps. I had a heating pad draped over a vibrating lumbar pillow and did a little self-medicating before going to bed to sleep the sleep of the righteous.

Sunday I got up and went over to the old house for The Cleanup. I took it one room at a time. I cleaned toilets, Windexed mirrors, scrubbed sinks, polished porcelain, vacuumed carpets, swept floors, packaged trash and tried valiantly to return the place to Sherri as close as I could get to the way I had received it. Took me four and a half hours. But I’m pleased with the results. I hope she is.

While I was doing this, my daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis, texted me and wanted to come over for a while.

She's recently expressed some displeasure about living with her mother TED (The Egg Donor), and has started making noises about wanting to come live with me. I know that if she had been living with me for the last 5 years, she would be on the phone with her mother whispering about how I'm mean and psycho and wanting to go live ith her. She's 13 and going through puberty, her mother is 55 and going through menopause. That can't be a happy household.

Galadriel had not seen the new place yet and I was anxious to show it to her. She loved it! Neither one of us can figure out exactly why she likes it as much as she does, but she really, really does. I had not eaten yet so I took her to Longhorn on 39th, after which we went back to the new place and I enlisted her help to unload the VERY LAST STUFF from the Liberty House.

It’s over. It’s done. I’m in.

I am so fucking tired and stiff and sore I can’t even begin to describe it.

And I hired professional movers and paid Big Bucks!!!

Now, all I need is a fucking internet connection! I have no idea what is going on. Everything out side of Timber Brooke could be a molten slag of radioactive glass.

Illegal Militant Latino Homosexuals could have staged a coup, taken over the country and imposed mandatory sexual and cultural re-identification pogroms on white, trailer-trash, NASCAR wannabes (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and I wouldn’t know it.

Guess that’s just my way of saying, I really missed you guys!

I'm Going Down On You

It's 6am on Saturday, October 13. I've been off work all week and (with my girl friend's help in the evenings), I've done a pretty fair job of packing and schlepping.

Two Men And A Truck will be here between 8 and 9am.

I have 2-3 hours to break down my computer and remaining office components, get them packed and ready.

Fucking Comcast (I hate them already) won't be over to reconnect me to civilization until sometime Monday morning.

This will be the longest weekend of my life.

I'll be back sometime in the next 60 hours. Jeebus! That seems like an eternity!

Later, my peeps!

HOLY (bull)SHIT!!!

I have to thank Eric over at Secrets of the Red Seven for providing these links in his Cartoon Catechism post.

I totally poached them.

Remember all of those cartoons in school tailored to teach you things like "The Atom",


or "Rocketry".


Eric dug up some great theological cartoons on three of the most, umm, interesting religions I can think of. Religions that like to portray themselves as being very mainstream, normal Christian faiths.

But DAYum!

I know I have at least two blog buddies who are much more familiar with the faiths they were raised in then I am. So I will defer to them as to the veracity of the claims made in the videos. But I do not expect them to defend or deny anything. From what little I know of the religions represented, it seems essentially factual, although possibly not presented in the way that the church elders would endorse.

So, here goes.

What MORMONS really believe.


What SCIENTOLOGISTS really believe.


What JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES really believe
(This one starts out slow and boring, but stick with it.)



But is any of this any more bizzare or unbelievable than Virgin Births, Seven Plagues, Seven Seals, Second Comings, Ressurected Carpenters or Holy Zombies?

All religions are bullshit. They require you to believe something they cannot prove and adhere to a regimen of proscribed behaviors that are totally unnaturaly to normal humans.

Throw away the crutch! THINK!

Reincarnation as ΔU=Q+W

As you no doubt know, I'm a pretty rational guy. I don't go in much for the spiritual stuff. I'll buy into the notion of a soul and an afterlife just as soon as a physicist wins the Nobel Prize for proving their existence. Until then, it would be generous to call me a skeptic.

However, IF I were spiritually inclined, the idea of a reincarnation powered karmic-wheel-of-life type of model holds a certain appeal to me. Sort of fits in with the whole closed-loop, First Law of Thermodynamics model where nothing is created or lost, it just changes states.

Makes MUCH more sense than some bearded, all-powerfull Sky-Daddy tuned in to a Universal Prayer CB, 24/7, deciding whether to grant or deny someone's request for Divine Intervention on the selection of lottery ticket numbers or the outcome of a football game.


Having said that, I must point out a phenomena I've noticed among reincarnation advocates. They all seem to be "reincarnates" of famous or notable people.

Marie Antoinette.


Napoleon.


An "Indian Princess".

I have yet to meet a self proclaimed "reincarnate" who claimed to have been a gas master at Auschwitz.


Instead of hearing "In a previous life I was Queen Elizabeth's handmaiden", I would like to hear someone fess up to the fact that

"In a previous life, I was an itinerate shit-shoveler who traveled by foot, with my only possession (a shit encrusted shovel) from town to town where I mucked stables for an apple and a piece of moldy bread. I died, unloved and without a friend in the world or a penny to my name, at the age of 17 from a huge infected boil on my ass. If I had a name, neither I nor anyone else remebers what it was. I barely existed at all."

That would lend a bit of credence to the idea, wouldn't it?