The Time Tunnel Hulu

I LOVED "The Time Tunnel"!

This was on TV in the mid-sixties; the same time as "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea", "Star Trek" and "Land of the Giants".

All of which (and much, much more) can be found in high quality, high definition and complete episodes on hulu.com.

Who knew?

Apparently everyone but me.

An Unexpectedly Automotive Day

I decided I needed to get out of the house today and tackle a couple of issues.

One, I wanted to take a look at the Missouri River and see how it was doing with all of these storms and flooding.



Two, I had a screw in my left rear tire that was causing a slow leak that needed to be fixed.

(DONE!)

Three, I was way overdue for an oil change and I needed to get my tires rotated to fix the annoying 55mph shimmy from the uneven wear patterns.

(DONE!)

But my first stop was La Benite Park, at Hwy 291 and the Missouri River. It was the closest access point to the Mighty Mo and I just wanted to get some pictures of the river.

Imagine my surprise when I found a Classic Auto Show in the park!

I'm no motorhead, so I won't pretend to comment on the cars. I'm just going to post the pictures for your enjoyment and go fix something to eat and maybe watch a movie.

Enjoy!

Tell Me What To Drink

Believe it or not that clip was only 4:47. Seemed a whole lot longer, didn't it? That's why I hated that fucking movie.

But I digress.

This is your chance to play me like a meat puppet and actually control what I put in my mouth.

Just stop right there you sick fucks. I'm talking about picking a wine to accompany my dinner.

Dinner tonight will consist of the following:

A nicely marbled rib eye, grilled to medium rare perfection.

Herb roasted red potatoes.

Sliced and seasoned, vine-ripened tomatoes.

Warm and buttery King's Hawaiian bread rolls.

Uncharacteristically, I am considering cracking open a bottle of wine to go with.

I'm not making a special trip out, so it has to be one of the six wines I have in stock. You pick.

Your choices are:

A 2003 Blackstone Winery Merlot

A 2004 Jekel Vinyards Montery Riesling

A 2004 Sterling "Vintner's Collection" Cabernet Sauvignon

A 2004 Tenuta Ca' Vescovo Pinot Grigio "Friuli"

A 2004 Frances Coppola "Diamond Collection" Sauvignon Blanc

A 2004 Brampton Sauvignon Blanc from South Africa

Let the pretentious and condescending snobbery begin!

Go!

Top Ten Friday

This may or may not become a regular feature.

These are the Top Ten searches that lead people to The Hip Suburban White Guy:

19 20.43% caleb horner
5 5.38% obama vs dobson
3 3.23% all ed muscari
3 3.23% hip suburban white guy
2 2.15% misty horner
2 2.15% obama versus dobson
2 2.15% john horner kansas city
2 2.15% george carlin on religion
2 2.15% kard major astro
1 1.08% brokebutt mountain

But these are the searches that I found the most bizzare:

1 1.08% creationist coloring book jesus dinosaurs
1 1.08% scaly man fish
1 1.08% pilots poopy suit dehydrate
1 1.08% how big should my dick be for 16
1 1.08% gay gary lezak

Pentagon: Taliban 'resilient' in Afghanistan

"WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Nearly seven years after their defeat by U.S. forces, the Taliban have regrouped and have formed a "resilient insurgency," according to a new Pentagon report on security in Afghanistan."

This directly from the testimony of The Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates.

Ah! Excellent. Then the trillions of dollars spent and the thousands of lives lost in Iraq, which had absolutely fucking nothing to do with the real war on the real terrorists or the attacks of 9/11 were well spent then, weren't they?

That's good news.

Bald People Rule The Scifi World

So say the good folks over at io9.

Soon, this bald person will rule the real world as well!

Mwahahahahahaha!

Good News From Mars

First came news that there is water ice on Mars.

Then came news that the soil on Mars has the alkaline and mineral nutrient properties that can support plant growth.



Water to drink.


Water (H2O) to separate into hydrogen and oxygen.

Hydrogen and oxygen to recombine in a fuel cell to create electricity.

Hydrogen and oxygen to combine combustively for rocket fuel.

Nutritoinaly and PH friendly soil in which to grow plants that can take inhale carbon dioxide (the dominate element in Mars' atmosphere) and exhale oxygen (stuff we need to breathe).

Bottom line is, we can live on Mars.


We can take seed stock and basic materials and live off the land.


We can homestead Mars. We can terraform Mars.

As Ray Bradbury said in The Martian Chronicles, "We are the Martians".

Gladiator was a remake?

Apparently so. Maybe everyone else knew this, but I didn't.

Ridley Scott's 2000 Gladiator

Russell Crowe ... Maximus
Joaquin Phoenix ... Commodus
Connie Nielsen ... Lucilla
Oliver Reed ... Proximo
Richard Harris ... Marcus Aurelius



appears to be pretty much a remake of Anthony Mann's 1964 "The Fall of the Roman Empire".

Sophia Loren ... Lucilla
Stephen Boyd ... Livius
Alec Guinness ... Marcus Aurelius
James Mason ... Timonides
Christopher Plummer ... Commodus



Netflix 'em both and tell me I'm phibbin'.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Obama vs. Dobson

I only have about 15 minutes so I have to make this quick.

"The criticism, to be aired Tuesday on Dobson's Focus on the Family radio program, comes shortly after an Obama aide suggested a meeting at the organization's headquarters here, said Tom Minnery, senior vice president for government and public policy at Focus on the Family.

The conservative Christian group provided The Associated Press with an advance copy of the pre-taped radio segment, which runs 18 minutes and highlights excerpts of a speech Obama gave in June 2006 to the liberal Christian group Call to Renewal. Obama mentions Dobson in the speech.

"Even if we did have only Christians in our midst, if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States of America, whose Christianity would we teach in the schools?" Obama said. "Would we go with James Dobson's or Al Sharpton's?" referring to the civil rights leader.

Dobson took aim at examples Obama cited in asking which Biblical passages should guide public policy — chapters like Leviticus, which Obama said suggests slavery is OK and eating shellfish is an abomination, or Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, "a passage that is so radical that it's doubtful that our own Defense Department would survive its application."

"Folks haven't been reading their Bibles," Obama said.

Dobson and Minnery accused Obama of wrongly equating Old Testament texts and dietary codes that no longer apply to Jesus' teachings in the New Testament.

"I think he's deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own worldview, his own confused theology," Dobson said."

Really? So Jesus' teachings cancel out everything in the Old Testament?

Then why is it even a part of the Christian bible?

I don't recall anywhere in the New Testament where Jesus said "Hey, I'm here now. New Sheriff in town. You can crack open those lobster tails, and pass the melted butter!"

Plus, Dobson is kind of shooting himself in the dick if he's saying that the book of Leviticus is null and void. I'm pretty sure that Leviticus is where all of the biblical condemnations of homosexuality come from.

The Right loves to repeat that "the bible defines marriage as a holy covenant before God between one man and one woman".

Seriously?

I challenge all of the biblically literate to find me one single passage from Jesus where he addresses this issue. Find me a quote from Jesus where he condemns homosexuality. Find me a quote from Jesus where he says that the only form of marriage acceptable to God is "one man, one woman".

Come, on. Chapter and verse. Educate us.

Mitch Hedberg

I remember seeing this guy on one of those Comedy Tour videos and I thought he was great!



I didn't know he was dead until I saw this post from Moxie Mama.

What a loss.

June is LGBT Pride Month...I think

Okay, stick with me on this one.

The folks over at io9.com were running a poll on "Who is the Gayest Robot in Science Fiction?". They said this was one of a series of posts they would be doing in celebration of Queer Pride Month.

I thought it was a funny poll and wanted to link to it, but I wasn't sure about the "queer" thing. I have friends, readers and family members who are gay or bi and I would no more post something offensive to them than I would post something racist.

So I started googling "queer pride month" and found some references to "queer pride" on a site called gay.com. I started looking around a bit to make sure the site was legit and not some disguised hate site.

That's when I stumbled upon this headline:

"Hef's gay sex?"

next to a picture of Hugh Hefner.


That was mildly intriguing but not all that surprising. I always figured that if there was an anatomically interesting way to have sex with another person, another species, or an inanimate object (like my 2nd wife) Hef has done it at least three times. We all know he's a rabid horn-dog and, as such, the Living God of All Men.

No, this was the part of the teaser that caught my attention:

"This news isn't shocking, but it DOES give us the opportunity to re-tell one of the most obscure gay jokes ever."

You know I had to click through. So here it is:


The Hugh Hefner/Mick Jagger Gay Joke

Mick Jagger was having a gay affair with Hugh Hefner. But one night after a concert, Mick called Hugh to talk, but Hugh sounded weird, and wanted to get off the phone fast. Jagger knew something was up. He was pissed, and he took a Lear Jet that very night to the Playboy mansion. After he got there, he had a hard time with security, but he barrelled past them and headed straight up to Hugh's room. So he pounded on the door over and over, and he finally kicked the door open. Then Mick saw Hugh on the bed, fucking Dennis Weaver. Mick screamed, "Hey! Hugh! Get off of McCloud!"

Oh, c'mon! That was funny! At least it was 30 fucking years ago when anyone knew who the hell Dennis Weaver was.

Fine. Be that way.

Oh, and back to the whole gayest robot poll? Right now, C3PO is the leader with 304 votes followed by my choice with 181 votes. I voted for this guy:


I mean, just look at the phallic little fucker!

He makes the Liberty Memorial look straight.

And lastly, here is clip1 of Adam Sandler's pilot for The Gay Robot.

George Carlin on Religion

George Carlin is dead.

The best eulogy I can think of is to replay his own words.



We'll miss ya George.

CONSPIRACY!!!

So I met up with average_jane this morning to buy her old Motorola C650 to replace my daughter's busted Motorola RAZR.

We met in the parking lot of the Panera's at 291 and 40 Hwy.

The RAZR that we were replacing was purchased from a Craig's List seller in the parking lot of the QT at 40 Hwy and 291.

Somewhere in between, we bought an knockoff iPOD MP3 player she found on Craigs List from a seller who agreed to meet us in the parking lot of a QT in Merriam.

I can't remember the last time we made an electronic purchase for my daughter in an actual retail outlet.

They have all been in retail parking lots.

This was my first, up close look at a T-Mobile SIM card.



I thought the layout of the circuitry on the back of the card looked a bit familiar.



And indeed it is. It is virtually identical to "Fat Man", the first atomic bomb.



WTF?

This just has to mean something sinister.

And Now...The Rest Of The Story

I generally commute back and forth to work on Independence Avenue. It's just a straight shot from Independence to downtown KC and it keeps me off I-70 during rush hour. Driving on I-70 during rush hour would make me very angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Plus, Independence Avenue is just so, I don't know, scenic. Especially this time of year when the crack whores are in bloom and the rising heat makes all the native denizens all itchy and irritable. Anything could happen. It's generally a good idea to keep your doors locked and try to avoid eye contact because no good could come from that.

So last night I leave work about 4:30, anxious to get home, shut out the world (I really don't care for humans very much), and celebrate the end of another work week.

A few blocks west of Van Brunt I get stuck in this MASSIVE fucking traffic jam. The cars are just not moving. At all.

I consider getting off the Avenue and taking an alternate route, but I can't. I'm in the left hand lane so I can't get over to the right and head for Truman Road. All of the side streets on my left are One Way leading ON to Independence Avenue. WTF is up with THAT?

There is no fucking escape unless I want to execute a Bat Turn and head west to flank the line of traffic.

At this point, I have enough time and frustration invested in this clusterfuck that I want a payoff. I want to see what the fucking problem is. Is it a wreck? Was there a shooting. Did somebody shank somebody in the middle of the street. Because if you are going to suck up this much of my time on a Friday commute home, it better be fucking worth it.

I finally manage to make it past Van Brunt and I see it. The source of the traffic jam that at this point has taken probably 20 minutes out of my life that I'll never get back.

No wreck. No dead bodies. No street littered with shell casings and fire trucks hosing down a bloody gutter lined with body bags.

Oh no. Nothing like that.

No, the obstacle that by now has traffic backed up all the way back to the downtown loop was this.

Apparently the ignorant fucktards, those inconsiderate, cocksucking doorknobs over at KYYS thought it would be a BRILLIANT fucking idea to get a gas station on Independence Avenue, during a Friday night rush hour, to sell gas for $1.99 a gallon.

The radio station was there, KCTV5 was there, the satellite trucks were there, reporters were there, the police was there, the fire department was there.

What a fucking mess.

Luckily for me, I had just filled up that morning at $3.85 a gallon, so I was all good.

OH NOES! ANOTHER BLOGGER MEAT!

This is it! Put the word out!!!

If you're a blogger, a commentor, a lurker, or just some knuckle-dragging, unibrowed cretin with access to the intertubes at the local library, come on out and join us. We'd love to meet ya.

Monday 6/23, 5pm, because Monday is pint night and all drafts cost $2.75.

Flying Saucer
13th & Walnut
Kansas City, Mo


View Larger Map

The KC Power & Light District parking is within the same building complex and is only $2 with validation...or lately you have to pay $2 to a dude right when you go into the garage. The lot across the street is a flat $5 if you park there after 5PM.

A map of the P&LD and nearby parking facilities can be found here.

Please let Ms. Moneypenney know if you are coming so she can have a head count for tables.

Cell Phone Needed

UPDATE: The immediate need appears to have been met! But to everyone who thought they might be able to help, please go ahead and let me know what you have. I may not be buying it right away, but I'm getting a little tired of these phone emergencies. I think I'd like to start stockpiling spares. THANKS TO ALL THE AWESOME BLOGGERS AND TWEETERS WHO CAME TO THE RESCUE! THANKS TO YOU, MY 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CAN CONTINUE SENDING AND RECEIVING 14,000 TEXT MESSAGES A MONTH! PRAISE BE TO GOD!

My daughter's Motorola RAZR has died.

It isn't under warranty because we bought it on Craig's List when her previous phone died. She is eligible for an upgrade around Christmas so she doesn't want a replacement through her provider now because the partial discount we would get today would reset the clock and she wouldn't be eligible for the bigger discount in six months. And I can't afford an undiscounted replacement.

She is spending the afternoon on her mom's laptop searching for something on Craig's List.

I'm doing my part by shouting out to all of readers (I mean both of you!) to see if anyone has a T-Mobile compatible SIM card type phone that they can part with CHEAP.

Although it only has to last six months, my daughter does have her standards and dignity to consider. Needs to have a color screen and she would prefer a camera.

I also have my standards. Did I mention CHEAP?

If any of you can help, leave me a comment or send me an email. Would love to have this resolved (CHEAPLY) today or tomorrow.

Thanks!

Mars, on the rocks

Houston, we have ICE!

We've Seen "Iron Man". We've Seen "The Incredible Hulk". Next Up...

Harvey Dent. I drink your whiskey!



This is not your father's Batman.