Islamic Idiots Pissed Off Over a Fucking Teddy Bear

"KHARTOUM (Reuters) - A 7-year-old Sudanese student on Tuesday defended the British teacher accused of insulting Islam saying he had chosen to call a teddy bear Mohammad because it was his own name.

Gillian Gibbons, a 54-year-old teacher at the Unity High School in Khartoum, was arrested on Sunday after complaints from parents that she had insulted Islam's Prophet by allowing the bear to be named Mohammad. She is facing a third night in jail without being formally charged.

"The teacher asked me what I wanted to call the teddy," the boy said shyly, his voice barely rising above a whisper. "I said Mohammad. I named it after my name," he added."

"One man brandished a giant sword, others carried axes, clubs, ceremonial swords and knives."

"They streamed out of mosques in the Sudanese capital, Khartoum, shouting: "Kill her, kill her, kill her by firing squad."



Sign MailOnline's petition to free British teacher Gillian Gibbons





I give up.

I try to be tolerant. But demanding that a school teacher be executed or flogged because one of her students, named Mohammed, suggested naming the class teddy bear Mohammed, is just fucking ignorant and barbaric.

Muslims willingly choose to live a thousand years in the past. They make the Amish look like urban, HUMVEE Driving, condo-dwelling, hipsters.

I'm sick of it. SO WHAT that people may or may not insult Islam or mock Mohammed?

GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

Take a shave, shed the pajamas, have a bath, get an education, get a job and GET A SENSE OF HUMOR!

Know why Jesus doesn't eat M&Ms?



Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands!



THAT, my Muslim friends, is what they call LIGHTENING THE FUCK UP and getting a SENSE OF HUMOR!

http://www.liberator.net/humor/Jesus/Jesusjokes.html

http://www.happy-gods.com/jokes/jesusjokes.html

http://www.morticom.com/jokesjesus.htm

President Bush: Faith key to international AIDS fight

"MOUNT AIRY, Maryland (CNN) -- President Bush on Friday stressed the role of faith-based groups in the fight against AIDS, calling the struggle one of conscience and morals on the eve of World AIDS Day.

"Faith-based groups like these are the foot soldiers in the armies of compassion," he said. "They are helping to defeat this epidemic one soul at a time"."

Oh yes. Let's focus on conscience. And morals. And compassion. And souls.

Why waste time on SCIENCE, and CIRCUMCISION.

What a fucking idiot.

I hate Live Journal

A couple of the blogs I like to read are Live Journal folk.

The M. Toast Hivemind is one.

Mushroom Cloud in the Midwest is another.

Something about the look and feel of Live Journal does impart a more substantial credibility than say, a Blogger blog. Like mine.

There is something about the Live Journal aura that says, I'm not just a "blogger"...I'm a writer. I'm creative and serious. I have substance.

That's cool. I actually like that part about Live Journal. I've even considered switching so I could glom off that vibe and seem more creative and cool than I really am.

But trying to comment on a blog that uses Live Journal is a PAIN IN THE ASS!

It's never clear exactly where you are supposed to click in order to leave a comment. Then when you do find the right icon, there are too many options. You can add a "subject". The subject? The subject is the post that I'm commenting on! I can pick fonts and colors and... you know what? I just want to leave a fucking comment! If I'm going to put that much thought into something, I'll reserve it for my own blog!

Sometimes, I think I'm commenting on a post, but I wind up inadvertantly commenting on someone elses comment about the post and it shows up in some nested string.

I hate it! It makes me feel like the reason I can't leave a simple comment is because I'm just not young and hip enough to "get it". Which may, in fact, be the case. Which makes me hate it even more.

Tonight, I read a beautiful and moving remembrance that Mushroom Cloud had written about her recently departed grandmother. I wanted to leave a comment telling her how moved I was and that she had done good.

But Live Journal refused to acknowledge my log in (even though I KNOW I have an account). So I tried to comment anonymously and then it decided thet my IP address belonged to a spammer!

I

FUCKING

HATE

LIVE

JOURNAL!

But I love my blog buddies who use it and enjoy their content immensely.

Just wish I could leave comments easier.

American Hell

Eolaí may be gone, but he is not forgotten.

Thanks, buddy!

Ahhhhh (shiver)

There's nothing quite as satisfying as seeing a pompous, self-righteous, tight-assed, holier-than-thou, asshole get his cumupance.

Even Phil Plait over at Bad Astronomy is highlighting this story!



The only tbing that could make it better would be a reporter getting an interview with Phil Kline's gay, male prostitute consort whose part-time jobs are performing late-term abortions and teaching Darwinism in public schools.

C'mon! You know he's out there somewhere! Go find him! What the fuck are we paying you for?

Hi Baha'i

This is the Baha'i Faith Center at Independence Avenue and Fuller. I drive by this place everyday on my way back and forth to work.

I always thought it was some Jewish Charity organization.

Apparently, I was confusing it with B'nai B'rith.



Fucking apostrophes! They always confuse me!


Stupid white guy! STOOPID! STOOPID! STOOPID!

Apparently, they aren't even closely related. Baha'i is some sort of recent Iranian based faith.

Not even a little bit Jewish.



I googled it and read a little bit but, like with most religions, I quickly lost interest and started surfing for porn.

But the point is, even though I drive by this place everyday, it took a critical mass of interest to build up before I even cared enough to remember to google it when I got home.

When was the last time you found yourself in such a fucking hurry to get information about the Baha'i faith that not only could you not wait until you got home, you couldn't even take the time to park and go inside?

No! You needed your Baha'i information NOW! TO GO!



"TELL ME ABOUT BAHA'I! NOW! I GOTTA GET TO WORK! I GOT NO TIME!"


"ROLL IT UP AND PUT IN IN A FUCKING SIPPY CUP! I GOT TO GO!"

The Ghosts of Christmas Past - Part 1

We had AWESOME toys when I was a kid. Lots of GUNS! Mattel was The Shit!


Real leather holsters...none of that molded plastic shit.


Even had a derringer hidden in the belt buckle for adolescent river boat gambling adventures!


These were REALISTIC GUNS! None of that orange plugged pussy crap that screams "I'M A TOY! I'M A TOY!" Because we were smart enough to know that you don't point toy guns at cops who have real guns. Nobody had to tell us that. Plus, we never really got into any sort of confrontations with law enforcement. We just played and had fun.


These toy guns had toy bullets that actually fired toy slugs from toy shells. It was AWESOME! I can't remember anyone who got their eye put out.


The bullets were propelled by Greenie Stik-M-Caps! Actual gunpowder-like explosive that smelled and smoked like real bullets.





We even had automatic weapons! Thompson sub-machine guns and snub-nosed 38 revolvers with shoulder holsters!


This is me defending my sister's honor with my fully locked and loaded Mattel Tommy Gun.


This is me with Tommy gun at the ready AND snub-nosed 38 shoulder holster ready to defend the entire family.


This is me in full dress Dick Tracy blues, fighting for truth, justice, and the American way.


Just like my dad...


...and my granddad (3rd on the right...white hat, white scarf).

Epicurus

"For Epicurus, the purpose of philosophy was to attain the happy, tranquil life, characterized by the absence of pain and fear, and by living a self-sufficient life surrounded by friends. He taught that pleasure and pain are the measures of what is good and bad, that death is the end of the body and the soul and should therefore not be feared, that the gods do not reward or punish humans, that the universe is infinite and eternal, and that events in the world are ultimately based on the motions and interactions of atoms moving in empty space."

Tip of the laurel wreath to Fiery, the Athiest Homeschooler for reminding me of this long forgotten thought experiment from Epicurus that pretty much trumps every other argument I have ever heard.

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent."

"Is he able to prevent evil, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent."

"Is he both able and willing to prevent evil?
Then whence cometh evil?"

Is he neither able nor willing to prevent evil?
Then why call him God?"

Not to be confused with Epicurious where I get a lot of really cool recipes.

Greg Beck is in syndication!

For those of you who didn't know, Greg's brother Cliff is not only keeping Death's Door up and running, but he is reposting Greg's greatest hits.

It's like TVLand. Except it's GregBeckLand.

So you don't have to wade through Greg's archives looking for gems (not that they are hard to find). Cliff is doing that for us and reposting the best of the best.

For example, this post about Dodgeball...posted by Greg a full two years before the Dodgeball movie.

Personal Rapid Transit

Forget about "light rail".

Shit, we had regional light rail in the 20's and 30's. It was called the Inter Urban.


Light rail is a step backwards. By damn near a century!

If Kansas City really wants to move into the 21st century, Personal Rapid Transit is the way to go. It combines all of the best elements of our car culture with the efficiencies of mass transit.



Until The Gummint releases all of that alien technology at Area 51 and starts handing out the Jet Packs


(without the apparent ass-searing and dry-cleaning side effects)

and Flying Cars



we've been promised for the past 70 fucking years, PRT is the most futuristic and efficient form of transportation at our disposal.

But the very best thing about PRT is that Clay Chastain is not involved in any way, shape or form.



Fucktard.

Death by Booze

It would take 31 shots of Bourbon to kill me
That's why I always stop at 30. It's important to know your limits.

Drink sensibly!

Tonight is the night!

It's time to whip up my first batch of beef stew this season.

You can find my basic recipe here.

Some of the variations I plan with this particular batch:

Instead of just chopping up a bunch of russets or reds for my taters, I have some baby dutch yellow and new red potatos left over from Thanksgiving. But I was afraid that there wouldn't be enough of them, so I picked up some fingerling potatos to go with. A real potato medley in this batch.

Instead of true Vidalia onion, I picked up a Peruvian sweet onion.

For "extra liquid", I picked up a single bottle of Guinness Extra Stout.

I figure between the Guinness, the Peruvian onion and the dutch potatos, this batch of stew will have a carbon footprint about the size of Godzilla's daddy.

Because I'm concerned that the Guineess might be a bit overpowering, I'm adding some tomato sauce and some brown sugar to balance things out a bit.

Going to have to get busy...it's 2:10 now. I'll be lucky if it is fit to eat before 7:00. If you're in the neighborhood this evening, stop in and have a bowl.

And no, I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut about the silly MU/KU pissing match this weekend so it WILL NOT be on the big screen. I'll be watching "Knocked Up" and "Live Free or Die Hard".

Later, bitches.

I loves me some lesbians!

Doctors untangle the strange case of the giant hairball

"The prestigious journal details the case of a previously healthy 18-year-old woman who consulted a team of gastrointestinal specialists.

She complained of a five-month history of pain and swelling in her abdomen, vomiting after eating and a 40-pound weight loss.

After a scan of the woman's abdomen showed a large mass, doctors lowered a scope through her esophagus.

It revealed "a large bezoar occluding nearly the entire stomach," wrote Drs. Ronald M. Levy and Srinadh Komanduri, gastroenterologists at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, Illinois.

For the uninitiated, a bezoar is a hairball.

"On questioning, the patient stated that she had had a habit of eating her hair for many years -- a condition called trichophagia," they wrote."

"...eating her hair for many years..."

Oh, puhleeze! She's been going down on hirsute dykes like a glass-jawed, punch-drunk sparing partner in a by-the-hour gym.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Why, I remember coughing up a hairball at least that big after a wine besodden, romance filled cycling trip through southern France in 1970.



Oops. Wait. I've never been to France. That was a show I watched on PBS.

Where the fuck did that hair ball come from?

YACK!!

Misty Horner would have been 31 today...

...if her husband, a Lee's Summit police officer hadn't sat by, done nothing and watched her and her baby, his own daughter, his own flesh and blood, die.

If you, or I, or some anonymous inner-ciry person of ethnicity had sat by and done NOTHING but watch and pray while first our daughter, then our wife, died from a condition that could have been fixed with a single phone call...we would be facing manslaughter charges at the very least.

But then again, we aren't cops.

Read more here.

Giant Prehistoric Scorpion

"We have known for some time that the fossil record yields monster millipedes, supersized scorpions, colossal cockroaches, and jumbo dragonflies," he added. "But we never realized, until now, just how big some of these ancient creepy-crawlies were."

The newfound fossil creature is estimated to be at least one and a half feet (46 centimeters) longer than any previously known prehistoric sea scorpion, a group called eurypterids."

Yet one more reason I'm glad I didn't live 390 million years ago.

No, emaw, I really didn't live 390 million years ago. Fuck you.

Arkansas Mayor Abducted and Brainwashed by Satanists!

"CENTERTON, Ark. -- The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly three decades ago.

Centerton Mayor Ken Williams said he has been living under an assumed name for nearly 30 years. He had been mayor since 2001.

Williams told authorities he was born Don LaRose and that in the mid-1970s, he was a preacher in Indiana. He said he was abducted and brainwashed into forgetting all about his life as Don LaRose.


It was a double-life he had never acknowledged, Williams said, because he didn't even realize it existed until he had recently taken a truth-serum injection.

As Williams regained his memory, he said, he realized that he had a wife and two kids but that he had decided to leave and take on a new identity to protect them.

"I had no choice. The choice was to watch my family killed before my eyes or go with these people, and I chose instead to run," Williams said.

He wouldn't explain from who he was running, saying only that he had been brainwashed.

"I had multiple shock treatments," Williams said. "It took five years to get my memory back."

Williams said he took his current identity in 1980 when he moved to Centerton. His full name -- Bruce Kent Williams -- was taken from a man who died in a car crash back in 1958, he said.

"What happened in 1980 -- whether it was right or wrong -- I did it under the threat of my family and for my own survival," he said.

The information went public, Williams said, because he runs a Web site about Don LaRose and his disappearance. LaRose's former family found the Web site and started inquiring about its author. They found the site registered to a Ken Williams and went from there.

Williams said his current wife is standing by him and the two of them want to continue living in Centerton. He said he plans to continue living as Ken Williams.

Also, his resignation was signed with two names, he said.

According to police, Williams is under no investigation for any wrongdoing."

You just can't make this shit up.

Happy Thanksgiving

No agenda. No message. Just profound thanks and gratitude.



Let them come home.

New Favorite Blog

I love technology!

Prayer? That's so "middle ages"!

Jesus has a blog!

Although, I gotta warn ya. He seems a little more, I don't know, "edgy" than what you read in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

I'd like to unleash this Jesus on some right-wing fucktards. He kicks ass and takes names. This is a Jesus you'd like to hang out with. Throw back a few brewskis, shoot some darts, maybe even pick up some babes!

Jesus is cool.

Disaters In Dating Part 3

In just the last few days, I have serendipitously reconnected with an old girlfriend and my first wife.

So I decided it was time to post The Final "Disasters in Dating" chapter.

RECAP - As previously recounted in Parts 1 and 2, I had some rather ignoble dating experiences immediately following my divorce. The previous chapters focused on some of the "unique and interesting" women I encountered in my early dating experiences..

But, as a wise man once said, the only common thread in all of your failed relationships is YOU!

So this chapter's Featured Loser is me.

There really isn't any gentle way of putting this...

After my divorce I became a Man Whore. A "mangina", if you will.



Actually, I was probably more like Fred Garvin.



I dated A LOT! I joined Match.com and KCSingles.

The KC Singles web site hosted local events at places like The Guacamole Grill, Funky Town and Touche's. I would be at EVERY event and would squeeze in dates with women I met at the events between the events.

I wasn't just burning the candle at both ends, I was hurling boxes of candles into military grade flame throwers.

I was always honest (at least as well as I understood the concept of honesty at the time). I emphasized the fact that I was just recently divorced and wasn't looking for anything serious or long term. The women I met were in a similar situation, seemed to appreciate my honesty and mutual good times ensued.

Almost every woman that I dated during this period is still a very dear friend. Some are my very best friends! So I must not have been too much of an asshole.

But there came a time when I started to think that maybe...just MAYBE...I might be ready to slow down and actually experiment with meaningful relationships again. NO COMMITMENT! But I might consider nibbling around the edges of something vaguely resembling a commitment.

I found a woman who shared my interest in photography and we had an absolutely wonderful relationship!






For about 90 days.

My longest "relationship" in the previous 18 months. I'm still not sure why I got bored and stopped returning her calls and emails promptly. But I did. I was such a dick. I know this because she told me so.

One of my female online confidants learned of my latest break up and asked "So, is it my turn?"

I asked "Do you want it to be?" She did.

We dated for a month. She was my "hooker-on-a-leash" at the KC Ski Clubs "Hookers and Hell Raisers" ball that February.



Then a blast from my past reappeared. [fade to flashback as calender pages are whipped backwards in time...]

I had met her at a Halloween party the year before. She was dating the host of the Halloween party. I didn't know that he was a dick and was treating her like shit. All I knew at the time was that when we made eye contact for the first time, there were definite sparks. Instant chemistry.

Later that night, we were on a tractor-pulled hay ride. A freezing, cold, miserable hay ride! Luckily, I was wearing my rather heavy and substantial hooded cape.



Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking geek! So what?

She was freezing in her very revealing and low-cut vampire costume.



I offered, in a very gallant and chivalrous fashion, to share my cape. She accepted. We huddled under my cape, platonically sharing bodily warmth until the Hay Ride From Hell was over.

Fast forward four months...she contacts me and lets me know that she is no longer seeing the host of the party.

We quickly establish that the spark I percieved at the party was very real.

In short order, I break up with the woman I had been seeing for the past month and try to make things work with the woman that I felt like I had a real connection with.

I fell in love! She was incredible!

About a month later, I made the mistake of responding to an "innocent" chat request from a woman who didn't even have a singles profile posted. She just happened to be online at the same time I was. I wasn't looking for anything. I was just chatting.

Yes, in retrospect, I realize how completely bogus and lame that sounds!

After a few exchanges, she convinces me that we are "soul-mates". The fact that she is drop-dead gorgeous, filthy rich and red-hot skew my judgment. She claims to be an attorney and the VP of a local bank. A young, hot widow with a huge inheritance, a vacation home in Colorado and access to VIP tickets to all sorts of sold-out events.

I make one of the biggest mistakes of my life by falling for that bullshit and breaking up with the Halloween woman and committing to the "soul-mate-filthy-rich-hot-chick".

That lasted about a month and then it was over. Turns out, she was an absolute PSYCHO BITCH!

Not me! I was completely sane! No problems here! LOL!

I have no idea how much of what she told me was even true. But then again, it's not like I was the most emotionally stable person..ya know?

At least she paid for the hotel room.

I tried to go back and patch things up with Halloween woman. But get this...she thought I might have commitment issues! WTF? Where could she possibly get the idea that I might not be someone that she would want to make a life-long commitment to?

I was despondant! I decide that I may as well streamline the whole dating process and just start calling up women at random out of the phone book and break up with them.

"Hi. You don't know me, but my name is Xavier Onassis and I don't think we should see each other anymore. It isn't you...it's me! I know this will come as quite a shock. But time will heal all wounds and you will find someone who will be right for you. Let's stay friends, Okay?"

At this point, I am in total meltdown. I don't know what the fuck I want.

I see a singles ad for a woman who is a petite red-head, cute as a button and whose status is listed as "separated".

I think "BRILIANT"! She is obviously honest about her status and she can't possibly be looking for anything permanent because there is NO WAY that she would be ready for any sort of commitment!

I can get her through this "trying time", she can become disillusioned and dump me, and I can move on to whatever fucked-up pseudo-relationship awaits me next.

It is a relationship doomed to failure! PERFECT! That's what I do!

Three and a half years later, we are still in love, we couldn't be happier and the future is bright.

What. The. Fuck?

Which only reinforces my theory that you never find love by looking for it. Love finds you in it's own good time, whether you are ready for it or not. It is generally only after you give up looking and decide you are happy just as you are that someone pops up out of nowhere and completely knocks your socks off.

I'm feeling much better now!

Thanks for asking!